Fano's Fantasies
by alterfano
Summary: A collection of InuYasha oneshot stories mostly written for Live Journal's IYFlashfic writer's community. Gift of Letting Go Nominated for Best InuKag Romance IYFG 3Q06. All InuYasha characters are the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi.
1. Bound Again!

_**A/N:** Takes place after the events of the story Bound, in which Miroku and Sango deepen their relationship. Was written as a gift to Druihd because she's one of my favorite fanartists and she did this amazing pic of Miroku tied up to a post that really inspired my playful muse – and because I met her in person at a con and she is so sweet! Apologies for messing with the reality of how ancient Japanese monk's robes were fashioned. I took some creative liberties on that score for expediency in writing._

_**Links:** Bound (NC-17) may be accessed at: http/ Site: http/druihd. Site (for Druihd's pic of the bound up monk): http/alterfano. _

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own or profit from these characters. They are the property of R. Takahashi._

_**Bound – Again**_

It was late morning when the villager found the group of demon-hunting travelers in search of Naraku. Breathlessly, he told them of a frightening demon terrorizing his village during the dark hours of the night. The victims never uttered a cry of pain but were found reduced to a pile of bones by morning. He begged for the band to help eradicate the beast. The hanyou was nervous about taking time away from their search for Naraku, whereas the houshi saw a new opportunity. The group stood in the middle of the road to discuss their options.

"We don't have time for this," InuYasha said predictably.

"Of course, we must find Naraku," Miroku said reasonably. "But we also have an obligation to assist those in need of our help along the way." He glanced at Sango to see her looking at him with mischief in her eyes. She was thinking along the same lines as he and it warmed his heart. "InuYasha, there is no need for you to bother with this errand, why don't Sango and I take care of this demon tonight? We'll take Kilala and rejoin you in the morning." Sango blushed and looked pleased.

"Fine." InuYasha said, giving Miroku an annoyed look and turned away muttering something about him being a 'softie' in need of a warm meal. Miroku didn't need to correct him on this point, as they all knew that a warm meal and a soft bed were more important to Miroku than many things – and tonight it made for a great cover story.

They followed the villager over a hill to a small collection of huts nestled into a valley. The man led them to the village headman who welcomed them. Over a simple but pleasant dinner, the houshi and demonslayer were told that the headman had arranged for two rooms to be available for them at the Inn that night, and an amused look passed between them at this news. When they asked about the demon, many of the women blushed and looked furtively at Miroku. Sango gave him a strange look to which he merely replied with an exaggerated shrug and a very innocent expression. One of the women then crept up to Sango and whispered something in her ear. Sango blushed.

"I think I know how to defeat this demon, houshi-sama," she said. He knew her too well not to hear the amusement in her voice, though she was trying to hide it.

"Would you like to share this information with me, Sango?" He asked, not understanding the women's reluctance to speak out loud.

"Yes, of course." She looked at the women who all blushed the deepest shade of rose. "After our meal, I think. That would be the best time for us to strategize."

Puzzled, Miroku ate the remainder of his meal in silence and watched his bride converse in hushed tones with the village women. They hadn't told the villagers that they were bound to each other, having found that it was easier on Sango if others did not know. The few humans they'd encountered since their marriage suddenly found Sango's strength of personality disconcerting as they did not believe it showed the proper deference to her husband. After discussing it, the four of them had decided that as long as they traveled in pursuit of Naraku, they would simply not mention to the humans they ran across that the slayer and the houshi were bound in marriage. Kagome thought it all very romantic. Miroku thought it was a pain.

After their meal, they were shown to the Inn and into their two rooms. For appearance sake, they each went to their own room. Miroku heard her moving about next door and became intrigued with the sounds of her movements. He explored the worn screen separating them for a hole. Delighted to find one, he peeped through to watch Sango strip out of her kimono, revealing the tight slayer's armor he so loved to watch her fight in. Somehow, she knew what he was up to.

"Enjoying the view, Miroku?" She asked quietly so that outside ears would be less likely to hear her familiar address, which she only used in private.

"Very much, my love," he said in a conspiratorial whisper. "When are you going to let me in on the secret of how to trap this demon? I'd prefer not to spend the whole night demonslaying."

"You have other plans, do you?" Sango was near the screen now and he couldn't see her.

"Yes, love," he let the intent in his voice speak for him rather than add more words to explain the obvious.

"I need to go speak with the women again," he saw her legs come in front of the hole in the screen, watched her knees bend and her body sink to the ground in front of him until he was looking at one of her beautiful dark eyes. "Stay here and I'll come back to tell you what I learn."

"Why can't I come with you?" He was used to being the one in their group to negotiate with their human clients, but they rarely encountered a village where the women seemed to be doing the negotiating. A thought struck him. "Hey! You're not worried about me with the women are you? I told you those habits left the night we were bound." _And damn it! I've been good ever since!_

Her eye crinkled in a smile and she blinked. "Of course not, dear. I'll explain when I return." Then she was gone and his only company was Kilala curled in the corner, asleep in her room.

Miroku decided to make the best of the situation and explored his simple room for a good spot to meditate, scanning the solid wooden posts and the thin but opaque screens that spanned between them. On the far wall, he found a particularly thick beam that stretched from floor to ceiling, solidly doing its part to hold the building aloft. He patted it and noticed a heavy iron ring buried deep into the wood. Yanking on it to find it held fast, the monk had a flash of a fantasy he'd long harbored, to make use of such a secure anchor to ensure he couldn't escape the beautiful women that would be driving him mad… As his fingers traced the cool metal, he had to admit that that fantasy had never been close to coming true, but now there was Sango… He yanked on the metal again, testing its potential to withstand the strength of a houshi… or a demonslayer. _She'll never go for it, he thought wistfully, _but enjoyed the thought anyway.

After a few more moments of pleasant daydreaming, Miroku settled himself against the beam to meditate. Demonslaying was harder work than it appeared and he often didn't have the luxury of centering himself thoroughly before a fight. Nor was he often in such a quiet and comfortable place to do it. He removed his outer robe and folded it carefully underneath him, rolling a bit of it to wedge under his rear, tilting his hips into a comfortable position for his back. He settled his legs into the almost-crossed position that suited his meditations best, closed his eyes and began to breathe deeply, calming his mind, emptying it of distraction.

After some time, he was in a blissfully peaceful state when he heard noises in the corridor outside. Having reached the state in his meditation where outside noise was only a disturbance if he allowed it be, he ignored the noises until he recognized the laughter of young women. This sound he allowed in willingly, so enjoying the presence of the female gender – _and the sound of laughter_ – he reminded himself.

His eyes flew open at another sound, the screen to his room being opened. In the doorway he saw three beautiful young women as they bowed politely.

"Houshi-sama," one said quietly, "may we come in to speak with you?"

"Uh-" Miroku felt a little flustered, but not wanting to be rude, he got over it. "Of course." As they stepped over the entrance, entering the room, he felt a little blush spread up his neck. They were truly beautiful. "Tell me please, how I can help you."

"We are afraid of the demon that comes in the night," they bowed again and he couldn't help but notice that they were all wonderfully endowed. "We are glad you are here to slay it and wish to give you good luck and ask for a blessing."

"Why thank you," his flush started to recede until they stepped further into the room, uninvited, and began approaching him with very desirous looks in their eyes. He felt the beam press a little harder against his spine as he unconsciously tried to back away from their advance. "Um. You can give me good luck from there, can't you?" He didn't like the semi-panicked sound in his voice. It didn't fit his image of himself in the presence of women. On the other hand, despite a lifetime of trying, he'd never managed to get such lovely women to approach him with such sultry looks, as these beauties were doing with absolutely no provocation. He began to feel more uncomfortable as they came to kneel by his knees, two bowing to the mat next to his hands resting on his knees and one – the most beautiful one he noticed – bowing directly in front of him, her hair brushing the toes of his foot as it lay in front of his opened hips. The flush in his chest was back and now it was creeping up his cheeks.

It occurred to him that if Sango came in right now, his situation could look really bad.

"Ladies," he cleared his throat, reminding himself that this was all very innocent, _so far, _an annoying little voice in his head reminded him, "I am in the process of meditating to prepare for slaying the demon. I will give you my blessing and then I must ask you to leave."

"Yes, houshi-sama." The beautiful one in the middle said into the mat. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to form the prayer he would use for their blessing. He heard a whoosh of fabric and the metallic clank of chains. Opening his eyes just as the women each wrapped a metal band around his wrists, he grunted as the beautiful woman in the middle yanked the chains up, standing over him and pressing herself against his face while he felt the chains secured to the wall on that iron ring.

"What is this about?" his voice was muffled against the fabric of her kimono as her thighs pressed against his face. He yanked his hands and found that the ring was plenty strong to content with the strength of a houshi. She pushed herself off the wall and he could breathe again. The three of them bowed before him again. "Please forgive us, houshi-sama. We must do this to ensure the demon comes tonight."

"What are you talking about?" Miroku's heart was beating loudly in his chest, and it picked up speed as the women all rose to their knees and began undoing the ties on his inner robes. "What are you doing?" His voice was high and reedy. _Sango will never believe me now!_

"This is the most assured way to lure the demon, houshi-sama," the beautiful one said as she unfastened the last tie which opened his sleeves to fall off his shoulders, exposing his bare chest to the women. They all looked at him with appreciation, their eyes roving his muscled arms and abdomen. He thought he saw desire in their eyes and he closed his eyes tight to ensure he did not look too closely at them and accidentally initiate a responding arousal in himself. This was fulfilling a fantasy of his, after all, and he couldn't be expected to be completely immune to the situation. He felt his blush deepen and then he thought of Sango, which was successful in sending an ice cold shower running through him. _Please don't let her see this._

He felt the presence of the women recede and opened an eye to see them bowing by the doorway once again. "Goodbye, houshi-sama," the beautiful one said. "Good luck and thank you for the blessing." They left quietly, the titter of their laughter receding down the hallway.

_Now what do I do?_ _If Sango walks in on me like this, I don't know if telling the truth will do me any good._

He heard another sound in the hallway and looked up as the screen began to pull back, hoping for, and dreading, the fact that it might be Sango. It wasn't Sango. At first he was relieved, until he saw that the woman standing in the doorway was ten times more beautiful than the ones who had just left. She was richly dressed – and alone. She did not ask permission to enter the room, but did so. She did not bow, but moved straight to him and knelt before him. He saw hungry eyes roving over his naked torso and felt again the flush of embarrassment – and something more.

"Lady," his voice was a little high again and he made an effort to deepen it, "may I presume that you are the demon who has been tormenting this village?"

"You may only do what I allow you to do." She didn't even bother looking at his face in favor of continuing her visual tour of the ridges and ripples of his skin. Her words sent a little thrill through him even as he tried very hard to ignore it. This was exactly his fantasy – _except for the part where the beautiful woman in question was a demon intent on devouring more than my manhood._ His eye twitched at the thought and then couldn't help but think, _I see that becoming bound to Sango hasn't changed my luck with women._ Then he remembered to say a little prayer of thanks that this was the case, but a small sigh of disappointment escaped him anyway.

"I don't take order from demons," he said, trying to think about how he might get on top of this situation, "and my wife may return at any moment." The demon lifted her sparkling turquoise eyes to him finally, and he felt his blood begin to rush, warmth spreading down his body as he began to slip into a spell. Shutting his eyes tightly against her stare, he said, "do you plan to kill me?" There was a long pause, during which he was very tempted to peek.

"Eventually…" her voice was low and suggestive. His heart began to beat hard against his ribcage. _Sango! Where are you?_ At this point he didn't care if she came in and thought whatever she wanted to. The idea of realizing one of his fondest dreams at the hands of a demon who celebrated by eviscerating him was sapping all the potential joy from the situation.

Even with his eyes closed, he felt the demon woman lean in closer to him, her breath softly brushing his neck as her hands, which were very soft he noticed, began to skim over him. He realized that if Sango didn't come rescue him, he was going to have to figure a way out of this himself. He couldn't rely on his _ofudas_, which were buried in the robes under his butt, or his staff, which was leaning up against the far wall. He might have a chance of sucking her up into his wind tunnel if he could unseal his hand, but the hard metal clamps were wrapped around his beads. And even if he did manage to get his wind tunnel open, he might accidentally suck himself up as well, which wasn't much good either.

Just as he felt the demon woman's hand slide down the ridged cleft in his chest moving further over his stomach, he heard a loud noise and opened both eyes to see Sango standing at the door, hiraikotsu in hand, her face set in a mask of determined anger.

"Sango!" His relief was evident to him and he hoped she could tell. "This is the demon!" She continued to look sternly at the demon woman who had turned to face her.

"He's mine!" The demon snarled.

"No, he's not." Miroku felt a little thrill at the depth of her possessiveness. "He's mine and you touched him! That means you die!"

The demon rose to attack and hiraikotsu swung around, never even leaving Sango's hand, and sliced right through the thing that had moments before been preying on him. It flew into two pieces as it hit the wall on the far side of the room.

"Nice timing," he said as his bride approached, standing over him with that same stern expression on her face. "Uh," he lifted his shackled hands a bit over his head, "you may be wondering why I'm trussed up like this." The blush was back on his cheeks as she squatted down by him, balancing on the toes of her boots, with a hand on his knee. He noticed again how well her tight black armor clung to her every curve.

"Having a good time with the ladies?" She sounded as suspicious as maybe she had a right to be.

"No! They tricked me and intruded during my meditation," he swallowed. "They said they wanted a blessing and then attacked me and bound me up like this." Her eyes were boring into his, looking for some sign of deceit. "It was horrible." She didn't budge so he played his last card. "All I could think of was how I wished they were you."

"Really?" Her voice softened a bit as her eyebrows rose and a playful expression stole over her features. He breathed more easily. "So you like being strung up like this, do you?"

"Well, my arms are getting a little tired," he said truthfully, "but I might be able to ignore them for a while, if I had a good reason." He looked at her with all the excitement he had begun to feel earlier and was pleased to see it mirrored back to him in her eyes.

There was a noise at the door and she stood to greet the women who huddled there, curiously poking their noses into the room.

"The houshi is a little traumatized by the evening's activities," she said to them. _Yeah, I'm not used to being bait,_ he thought to himself. "I need to purify the room. Please stay away until I come to you." There were general sounds of agreement and at least one of them peeped around Sango's shoulder to look at him, bringing another blush to his cheeks.

Sango shut the screen and returned to his side. She stood over him, her hand on her sword, looking down at him thoughtfully.

"What?" he said, beginning to worry a little, "I told you they attacked me. You believe me don't you?"

"Of course I believe you," she smiled at him, but her smile wasn't warm, it had a devious tilt to it. "I put them up to it." His face fell and his jaw dropped. "And I watched through that little hole you found over there just to make sure."

Miroku thought desperately back on the evening trying to remember anything she might have seen that he was going to have to explain. He couldn't think of anything, but the look in her eye made him feel unsure.

"You did very well, husband," she moved her hand to her belt, untying it and moving to hang it, with her sword, on a hook against the wall.

"Good." He said under his breath, relieved.

"I'll let you purify this later," Sango moved to throw a blanket over the demon remains in the corner.

"Later?" Miroku felt a little hopefully. Sango came to stand over him again, her black armor shining in the lamplight.

"Later." She said as she dropped back into the squat to face him.

"How much later?" He asked, hopeful again.

"They didn't give me the key." She said as she reached a finger over to trace the path the demon had found, getting farther than it had gotten. "So I think it will be very late indeed."

"Good," he said breathlessly, as his fantasy began to come true.

The End


	2. Untamed Premonition

_**Author's Note:** _I almost called this "Kiss That Frog" after the coming-of-age fairytale of which I imagine this to be Kagome's version (and the Peter Gabriel song I was listening to as I edited it). Lucky Kagome get's two frogs, InuYasha and Kouga! _An okami is a youkai that takes the form of a mountain wolf in Japanese legend. A banken is a protective canine figure, like a watchdog_. Edited 6-2-06 with a beefed up beginning and a little extra beefcake inside, just for Rosencrantz. Ever wonder why Kouga shows so much thigh?

**Untamed Premonition  
**

Something wasn't right. They were all sitting in her room. Ayumi and Eri were going on and on and on about Houjou -- again! Kagome had told them a thousand times that she didn't want to talk about him, and she was telling them again now, but they couldn't hear her. She kept talking and then yelling, but they went on and on even more. It was like she wasn't even there.

"Eri," said Ayumi, "you _know _Houjou is perfect for Kagome. Stop teasing her."

"I'm not teasing her," Eri sniggered into her hand, "Houjou is!" Both her friends burst out in laughter.

"Shut up, you guys!" Kagome tried to yell at them. "I'm not interested in going out with boys! I've got enough problems as it is!" Kagome fumed at them while they kept laughing and talking, despite her efforts to wave her hand in front of their faces.

"Ooooo!" Eri couldn't stop laughing. "I bet he'll take her to a dark movie, and put his arm around her."

"And then what?" Ayumi's eyes were wide.

"And then …," Eri leaned over and whispered something in Ayumi's ear. Ayumi's eyes got even wider and then they both burst out laughing again. "Come on!" Eri grabbed at her friend's sleeve. "Let's go tell Houjou Kagome can't wait for him to do that!"

"Stop it, you two!" Kagome tried running after them, panic rising to a buzz in her ears. They _wouldn't _tell Houjou something like – well, whatever they were whispering about, would they? She really didn't want to go on a date, to a dark theatre … alone … with a boy. The thought of her friends telling him that she _wanted_ to do that brought the panic up to tighten her throat even more.

The girls ran down the steps and out the front door. Kagome chased after them, but she seemed unable to move her arms and legs as fast as they could. When she got outside, they were gone and she looked around to see that the door to the well house was open and Buyo the cat was wandering inside. Eri and Ayumi must be hiding from her there. She ran as fast as she could, which wasn't very fast, following them into the dark, damp building. About half way down the steps leading to the well she realized that no one was there.

"Hello?" She called out. The well house had always been kind of a family joke, a place that kids hid from other kids so they could jump out and say _Boo!_ when their friends came after them. She walked carefully down the remaining stairs to stand next to the well, listening for the snicker she knew Ayumi wouldn't be able to keep concealed.

"Ack!" She jumped as Buyo crept around the corner of the well and snuggled up to her leg. "Buyo! Don't do that! Eri! Ayumi! Come out, please." Fear rang clear in her voice, the fear of the girls getting Houjou excited about a date with her was transforming into a fear of something else.

The mournful quiet of the building, the hot stillness of the air, the dark, it was all starting to press in on her. Suddenly, her breath struggled to pull into her lungs and she felt very disoriented.

Without warning, her head spun with a rush of wind and pressure that whirled around her in bursting light, tipping her into the well. Horrible images surrounded her … monsters reaching for her … beasts with long tongues lapping at her … pushing them away … and then she landed heavily in darkness. The dust that rose to choke her, lining her nose and throat with its rotten smell, was sickening. Coughing and blinking the grit from her eyes she struggled to find a way out. Her eyes adjusted to the black and she noticed a lighter shade of pitch, with tiny starlights pinpricking its surface, high above her at the mouth of the well. Painfully, exerting every bit of strength she had, she scratched and clawed her way up to the top of the well to find her home gone. She was truly alone now, her friends and family gone away with her city. She let out a small cry of fear and felt sweat break out on her brow.

The forest that surrounded the well's mouth was overgrown and wild. Its great silence settled around her ominously, isolating her heartbeat, and she smelled the strong scents of pine and leaf mold. Slivered moonlight fell down through the treetops to brush the grass and limbs with touches of gray. Looking back into the well reflexively she wondered if jumping into it again would bring her home. But the memory of her frightening fall, the struggle to get out, and her exhausted body, gave her a crucial second thought and she swung her leg painfully over the scratchy wood to sit and think. It was nighttime here. She'd fallen in the morning and emerged in the black of night.

Before she'd even caught her breath, Kagome felt the hair on the back of her neck stickle and sensed something large in the darkness. Images of the beasts from her fall into the well came into her frightened mind. Whatever moved in the darkness was large enough to crackle leaves and snap twigs as it moved. Experimentally, barely overcoming the wave of fear that rose in her with its primal desire to run, she crept towards the trees in the opposite direction and when she heard nothing following her, she moved further into the blackness, not sure she was doing the right thing. Knowing she was no survivalist, she thought to find a hiding place until morning, so she walked forward slowly, trying not to make any noise. Once or twice she thought she heard something behind her, but then it grew quiet and she ventured on.

Before long, she came into a moonlit clearing and immediately knew there was something special about the place, something mystical and powerful. Maybe it was the way the insect noises quieted, or the size of the trees that stood like sentinels at its edge. Her eyes roamed until they came upon a sight that stilled her breath. A man, clad in dusky traditional clothing, was caught in the roots of a huge tree. She cowered on the edge of the clearing, expecting the flowing tree roots that consumed him to continue moving around him until they squeezed his life away, expecting him to cry out, expecting that she could not save him, expecting this nightmare to come to an end.

Nothing happened.

Feeling a new bravery, born on the confidence of having survived almost fifteen minutes in this strange place, she slowly approached the tree with its captive. Testing the solidity of the roots with the toe of her shoe, she looked up to see that the man with long silver-white hair slept, cradled in the tree's embrace. She waited, expecting him to wake in her presence and when nothing happened, she called out softly to him but he remained unmoving.

Wondering if he could help her, and if he would want her to help him, she climbed the roots unsteadily to stand just below him. She became aware, as she grasped his clothing for support, that she'd never been this close to a grown man before outside her family. Her heart picked up its speed as she lifted her face to look at him. In this intimate proximity, she noted his height and the strong muscles of his neck, which bowed gently to the side with the weight of his head and mane of hair. Then she saw a terrible sight. The shaft of an arrow had buried itself in his chest, right through his heart, and pity tugged her at the sight of it. Looking again at his face she could not believe he was dead. He looked as though he'd just nodded off for a nap.

Again, she called to him and when he did not respond, she touched the skin of his jaw and noted that he looked beautiful and sad in the dim, peaceful light of the moon. Smooth, cool skin met her tentative fingers and when he did not move, she moved them to his hair, lightly stroking its soft tendrils. He'd obviously been here for a long time for the tree roots to have grown so fully around him. How was he so unblemished by weather and wear? What magic pinned him lifelike and yet not living? She carefully placed an ear to his chest and heard a single, strong heartbeat. Her eyes grew wide when the next beat came over a minute later. He was alive!

Looking back up at his face, she noticed another strangeness, his ears were not human but perched on the top of head and covered in – fur. Following curiosity and the desire every girl has to stroke velvety things, she raised her fingers to gently stroke their downy sides, feeling the silken caress of fine hair on her skin. They felt like little puppy ears.

Suddenly, his ear tweaked in her hand, trying to flick away her fingers. She gasped and almost fell off the root, but grabbed at his suikan to stay her fall. When she looked up at him again, his shadowed golden eyes were open and boring in to hers. Even in the darkness she could feel the anger in those eyes, the hatred. And as they focused on her, taking her in, his eyes grew more frightening, becoming the vortex of a scowl that warped his fine features and erupted in a growl.

"You!" She saw his shoulders move against the tree's restraints as he tried to free himself. As his motion grew more strenuous against the arrow, he cried out in pain, "Ahhhhh! What have you done to me, you witch!"

Kagome sucked in her breath and began to back down off the tree, when she heard a guttural noise behind her, one that sent the hair all over her body straight up in fear. Perched precariously on the root, she twisted around to see a large dog, no, a wolf, standing at the base of the tree, fangs bared in what grew into an echoing snarl. With a black head and brown body, it was three times the size of any dog Kagome had ever seen. An unearthly light glowed in its eyes, eyes that looked past her. Kagome turned to follow its gaze and saw that the silver-haired man had a nasty smirk on his face.

"So, Kikyou, you pinned me here so I can watch that mangy wolf eat you? I'm okay with that."

"Kikyou?" Kagome was feeling very disoriented again, "I'm Kagome!" She looked back at the wolf, waiting patiently for her to descend.

"Come here!" the silver-haired man demanded. Not wanting to go down to where the wolf had begun pacing, she complied and inched back up to stand on the roots in front of him, hanging on to his red suikan. "Oi! Stop that! You're pulling on the arrow!" he growled, discomfort in his voice. She balanced her weight more carefully, but did not let go of his garment. He sniffed and looked at her again, "you smell different, but you've still got it with you." She heard another snarl rumbling close to her and realized with a shock that it was coming from the man she clung to. Looked up to his face, she saw anger brewing again in his eyes. "Why did you do this to me?" He grimaced in pain as her foot slipped and she fell against him again. His scowl pulled on his lips to reveal small, but very sharp fangs. Her heart skipped a beat.

"What are you talking about?" She was trapped and fear began fueling her anger. "I don't have anything! I didn't _do_ anything to you!" He stopped his rumbling and sniffed at her again.

"Maybe …," he seemed to be looking into her eyes for something. The wolf below barked and snarled, almost as though he were trying to get their attention. The man looked over Kagome's shoulder and frowned. "He wants you to come down." Shifting his eyes back to her, he accused, "what'd you do to _him_, huh?"

"He's saying something?" She looked down at the wolf again and thought for a moment she caught a glint of intelligence and cunning in its gaze. "Why does he want me?"

"Dinner, probably," the cruel grin inches from her face bared those fangs and Kagome felt a chill trickle down her back.

"Fine, maybe I'll go down there and get eaten and leave you here, stuck to the tree," she said spitefully. Suddenly it occurred to her that maybe these two were in league and that was exactly what they wanted.

"Keh!" He looked down at the arrow in his chest and frowned. "You did put it here; maybe you can take it out."

"I did not!" Kagome flushed with anger again.

"Whatever," he seemed uninterested in discussing the details of his predicament, "pull the arrow out and I'll take care of the mangy wolf for you."

"And you swear you won't kill me?" She suddenly hoped she hadn't given him any ideas.

"I swear I won't kill you _right away_." A wicked smirk came over his face that gave her a little shiver, and she cringed in fear. His face softened and he looked at her searchingly again, as though he were trying to find something in her eyes.

The wolf barked at her and tried to leap up on the roots, but couldn't get a grip. He stayed standing against the tree, up on two legs, looking up at them and she heard a low grumbling growl simmering in him. Kagome pressed herself against the man on the tree, inching away from the wolf's position.

"Hey! Get off me!" he yelled in her ear. "Get this thing out of me and I'll help you, but get the hell off me!" She felt his heart speed up in his chest and guessed each beat against the buried shaft must hurt.

Stuck between two slathering beasts, Kagome decided to trust the one that spoke Japanese and reached to yank the arrow from his chest. It hardly budged and as she tried to work it free, he grunted and groaned, screwing up his face in anguish.

"Ahhhhhhh! Witch! Use your magic, damn you!" His cry grew into a scream of agony and she stopped moving, unable to cause him any more pain, even if he scared and annoyed her half to death. His eyes were closed, eyebrows knitted against the pain and he was panting. She noticed sweat breaking on his upper lip. Her heart was pounding again.

"I don't have any magic, jerk!" She huffed and glanced down to see the wolf hadn't moved and was watching them with interest.

"Yes you do!" His eyes were open now and he was furious. "I told you, you still have it. I can feel it. Use it for kami's sake!"

She had no idea what he was talking about, but something in her thought to try an experiment. Taking a deep breath, she gently reached for the arrow's shaft and noticed his look of trepidation as her fingers wrapped around it. On an exhale she imagined it gone and to her surprise, it disintegrated in her fingers.

"Ha!" he cried triumphantly as his arms came up under the imprisoning tree roots, splintering them so they fell away from around him and under her feet. She began to feel herself fall and grabbed at his clothing again. Not unexpectedly, he swept her hand away and let her fall into the broken wood, scratching her legs and causing her to cry out.

The wolf was on her in a heartbeat, pinning her beneath him. At first she only noticed his heavy weight coming down on her through his huge paws, one of which was pressing sharp claws into her bare leg. He sank down, pushing his ribcage into her breasts and she felt his growl echo through her chest. The black lips on his snout pulled back tight against gigantic yellow teeth. The smell of hot, rotten breath bathed her and she choked on it.

In a breath's space, the wolf was knocked aside and the white-haired man was crouched between them. Kagome felt a wave of relief and sat up to inch back into the pile of sharp splinters as big as her arm. She took a moment to be amazed she hadn't impaled herself on them when she'd fallen. The wolf paced back and forth, trying to find a direct path to her, but the man wouldn't give him an opening. Suddenly, the wolf sprang with jaws wide open and buried its teeth in his shoulder. The man barely grunted as he fell to the ground under the animal's weight, grabbing the beast by the fur at its neck. They rolled over each other, sending growls and snarls flying from them to join the leaves thrown about by their frantic motions. She noticed that her savior had long claws he used to strike with and used them to keep the other's teeth at bay. Finally, the man pinned the wolf and managed to get his hands around the thing's neck.

"Had enough?" Again, he spoke as though it could understand him.

To Kagome's surprise, the animal began to blur, transforming from a wolf to a man, a man who looked even stranger than the one fighting to save her. Long, wild black hair was caught up behind his head; he wore fur leggings and had more pelts adorning an armor chestplate. His ears were slightly more human than the white haired man's, but tapered to a fine point. As they rolled again, the wolf briefly gaining the advantage over the silver-haired man and fought to keep it; the muscles on his exposed arms bunched into hard ridges and mounds as he struggled to control the thrashing man beneath him. Kagome caught sight of a long brown tail emerging from his lower back. She sucked in her breath; this was an okami out of legend!

"Get off me, mutt!" The okami sputtered, as he found himself back underneath the man, who punched at the okami's chestplate only to be rewarded by the sound of metal. Soon, the okami had wedged a knee between them and pushed them into a roll. They broke apart and jumped to their feet, facing each other.

The white-haired man was clearly a natural fighter, he had barely gained his feet when he launched himself at the okami's waist and swiping at his legs. The okami let loose with a throaty cry and fell on the man, tearing at his clothing, but the red suikan and hakama pants were impervious to his claws. The man took advantage of the okami's proximity to get in another couple of swipes at his lower body, causing another rough cry of pain.

Kagome looked again at the white haired man's clawed fingers and strange ears – maybe he was a youkai too? Suddenly, he clutched at the hole in his chest and bent over with a little groan. He must still be weak from his ordeal on the tree. She looked about for some way to help him, but found nothing she thought would distract the okami. While he was still catching his breath, the okami launched himself and hit the youkai man with both feet right at the point of the arrow wound. The man howled in pain and landed under the okami's full weight. Kagome heard him moaning and rose, not sure whether to try to help him or not. Some primitive instinct told her to get away from these two wild creatures and she bolted for the trees, back in the direction of the well.

She hadn't even reached the treeline when she felt strong arms sweep under her and smoothly flip her up on a broad shoulder, her butt hiked in the air and her head bumping down on the okami's armor.

"Let me go!" she screamed. He did not stop or respond but ran on into the night, gripping her tightly by the waist.

Kagome was barely conscious when the okami dumped her in the hollowed out root of a large tree. She'd lost track of time as she struggled to breathe, her stomach slamming into his shoulder as he ran. She didn't move after she landed in a heap and tried to determine where he was through slitted lashes. He had moved out to the edge of the tree's perimeter and sat on a large root, one foot propped up and resting his arm on a knee. His posture was casual, but she could tell he was very alert. After a moment, he glanced back at her and she made sure to stay very still.

No doubt thinking her unconscious, he bent over to look carefully at a spot on one of his legs. As he pulled back a torn section of his fur garment Kagome saw him wince and begin to tear the leggings away, leaving just a modest pelt around his waist, exposing long, muscular thighs. He ran a finger gingerly across the inside of one of them until he flinched in pain. He was hurt. Maybe it would keep him away from her for a while.

She allowed her eyes to close and her mind to drift back over the last hour's events, focusing on the terrifying fight from which she'd tried to escape. Had the youkai man been trying to save her? He certainly hadn't given her any assurances, but he _had_ knocked the okami away. Then again, the okami had been listening to their conversation and barking when the man was yelling at her. Now that she knew he was intelligent, she was sure the okami had been trying to get her attention from the bottom of the tree. Was he a banken and had he been trying to protect her from the man? It was all so confusing.

It was almost too much and she found she couldn't make sense of it. She didn't know where she was, or what these beings were, or why they seemed to have an interest in her. She just wanted to go home, back to her old life where beasts and men didn't yell at her and grab her. She felt a tear squeeze from the corner of her eye and sucked in a little inadvertent sob.

A sense of foreboding swept over her as she felt a moonshadow and looked up into the black silhouette of the okami, the moon shining brightly behind his head. From the ground where she lay, he looked enormous, even though he had seemed the size of a normal, very strong man when she first saw him.

"Hey," he said and nudged her with a dirty foot, "get up. I want to look at you."

She rose to a sitting position slowly, wiping at another tear. He fell gracefully into a crouch, balanced on the balls of his feet with his knees splayed out, and sniffed at her up close.

"What should I do with you, huh?" he seemed to be talking to himself. "That inu-hanyou wanted you so you must be valuable." He sniffed again and a puzzled look came over his face. "You been rollin' in a flower field or something? Whew!" he waved his hand in front of his face, which wafted his heavy, musky scent at her.

"I could say the same for you!" Her fear-fueled anger was back. "You stink! When's the last time you took a bath?"

"What's a bath?" The lack of comprehension on his face was genuine and it almost made her laugh, except that she was still really pissed and scared half to death.

"A bath is when you clean yourself – with water!" She scooted away from him, trying to get away from his stench.

"Wolves don't like water," he scowled, "we leave it to those inu-mutts who love to romp around in the stuff. Disgusting." He looked at her again, more closely this time and reached a hand to grip her chin, turning her face one way and then the next. His fingers were rough and she felt his claw tips press sharply into the skin on her neck and cheek. From the angle he held her face, she could see the muscles of his arm as they rippled and flexed all the way up into the fur at his shoulder. It occurred to her that this was how he tried to be gentle. "You're not half bad looking." His hand moved down to paw the fabric of her shirt pulling it up and to the side to try to look at her chest. "You dress funny, though." She slapped his hand away and straightened her shirt.

"Stop that!" She said, her cheeks burning.

"I usually eat humans," he said matter-of-factly as he continued to move her clothing around to look at her legs and try again to look under her shirt. Kagome felt like a piece of meat being examined at the butchers and her fears were back in force. "But I think you might be worth something." He stopped messing with her clothes and began patting his hands over her with too much strength for her comfort. He squeezed her breasts and she yelped, pushing his hands away again. "Well, whatever inu-idiot said you got on you, I can't find it." He smiled a wolfish grin, revealing sharp yellow teeth, "but you feel good."

In the space of a heartbeat, Kagome felt a new heat coming from the okami and realized that the human likeness may not stop at his arms and legs. A pulse of terror went through her. She flashed her eyes around, looking for something to distract him. She saw the gash in his inner thigh, fresh blood still glistening on the torn muscle in the pale light.

"You're hurt," she said as she tentatively pointed to his leg.

"It'll heal soon enough," he didn't even look down at his wound. His tone was distracted and he moved forward from his crouch to fall on his knees, bringing his hips into closer range and she felt her heart speed in her chest. He reached to grab a handful of her hair and pull her head back, forcing her to look up at him. Tears stung her eyes as her hair was pulled tight against her scalp. Again he turned her head from side to side. "Wonder why he wants you so bad?"

"Who?" She felt very vulnerable, unable to move her head. Rolling her eyes upward, she saw his dark shape, kneeling over her as he came in closer.

"The mutt." He looked in her eyes now.

"He doesn't want me," she tried to make a scoffing noise, but it was hard with her neck so tightly torqued. "He's got me confused with someone he hates."

"Maybe," the okami bent over until his face was pressed up against her ear. She felt him take a deep breath through his nose, pulling a little stream of cool air against her skin as he took in her scent again more slowly. "But I didn't smell the hunt in him." His voice was lower now, husky as it breathed into her ear, sending goosebumps cascading down her arm. "Maybe he likes these flowers."

"Argh! Let me go!" Kagome's heart was in her throat pounding out its fear into her voice.

"I don't think so," she could not see his face, but she felt him move down from her ear and heard another sniff as he inhaled at the base of her neck. A sprinkle of cold sweat broke on her as she imagined those teeth so close to her neck. She was beginning to feel panic and suddenly thought about the wound in his leg. Could she stab at it? She reached a hand out to find it and when her fingers encountered his skin, she felt a warmth grow in them, turning into a heat she thought was going to burn her flesh.

"Ow!" She cried.

He jerked back, yanking on her hair until her tears sprang up again. She could barely see him he was pulling her head down so hard. "Stop it!" she cried, hearing the pain in her voice, "you're hurting me!"

He let go of her hair and she raised her head to see him looking down where she'd stabbed at him. He raised his leg, placing his foot on the ground and pushed his knee out to trace a finger along the inside of his thigh where the wound twisted his flesh. It had been long, starting at the knee and disappearing up under the dark shadow of his fur pelt, but now it was shorter, having healed near his knee. He looked at her with a new comprehension.

"Miko!" There was some awe in his voice. "So that's it. He wants your miko powers."

"No." she shook her head, confused. Grandpa has told her he didn't want her to become a shrine maiden. He wanted her to go to school, get a job, be successful. "I'm not a miko."

"Yes you are!" he pointed to his leg and the freshly scarred flesh near the knee.

She looked and had to admit to herself it had been longer just a minute ago. Impulsively, thinking she might be saving her life, she reached out and touched the bloody flesh at the edge of the newly healed skin. Her finger glowed with a pinkish-purple light and burned again until she couldn't stand it any more, and she pulled it away, clutching it to her. They both watched as the skin closed in on itself and the new scar grew to cover more of the wound. They looked at each other in amazement. Again acting on impulse, she laid her whole hand against the remainder of the gash, gently poking her fingers under the fur pelt at his waist to cover the tip of the wound. Just before the burning sensation came, she felt the torn bits of flesh, moist with blood, and the taut skin over the tendon where the muscle met his groin. She felt how smooth his skin was, broken only here and there by a small hair. She blushed in the dark at the intimacy of this touch and was amazed both at herself for doing it and at him for allowing it. A small bond of trust had been forged.

The purple light came to her and her hand felt as though it were bathed in white hot flames. She closed her eyes and grimaced as she thought she felt the healing flames incinerate her fingers, searing the bones in her hand. When she couldn't stand it any more, she pulled her hand back and looked to see that the wound was now nothing but a scar. She shook her hand to try flicking away the residual heat, now fading into her skin.

"Does that hurt you?" He actually had a note of concern in his voice.

"Yeah," she exhaled, not realizing she'd been holding her breath. "It burns. Doesn't it hurt you, too?"

"No." He was brushing the scar lightly with his hand. "That's amazing."

"You're welcome," she couldn't help the little bit of sarcasm that crept into her voice.

"Huh," he put his knee down and kneeled by her, reaching out to her. She withdrew, and he shook his head a bit, apparently intending to reassure her. She let him take her hand and he engulfed it in both of his. "I'm sorry. Thank you."

Looking in his eyes, she knew he meant it. She nodded and raised her healing hand to look at it, wondering how she'd done that. He let her hand go and stood over her again. She looked up the length of his body to the dark pool of shadow over his face.

"Get some sleep," he said, and moved off to the other side of the tree. She laid down, suddenly exhausted.

Darkness wrapped around her – a flitting image of Houjou -- and then she smelled dirt. Without warning, assaulting her fitful sleep, she felt warm skin against her mouth, stifling her scream. Strong arms pulled at her waist and for the second time that night, she was jolting along, bumping into a strange man's body. She could hardly breathe between the jostling, his hand and the strength of his fingers squeezing her face. She tried to bite him, but couldn't. His claws were tightly clasped around her jaw, pinching into the base of her skull, and she couldn't move it.

After some time, he slowed and hoisted her off his hip, pressing her up to stand against the rough bark of a tree. Her head swam and she saw little sparkles drift through her vision. His hand was hard against her mouth and she blinked over his fingers to see those angry eyes framed by a silver mane of hair.

"Don't scream," the command was clear in his voice. She was confused. Was he trying to save her or was he going to kill her? She gave a little nod and he removed his hand slowly, pinning her shoulders so her back was slightly arched, giving her no leverage to stand or run. As her eyes roamed her surroundings, she was surprised to see a familiar shadow only a hundred meters away, just through the trees. He'd brought her back to the well!

"What is it with you guys?" Anger flared as she looked at him. "What the hell did I do to you that you have to kidnap me in the middle of the night?"

The moonlight filtered into the small clearing, splashing his face in shadowing grey, making his eyes unreadable. He looked at her closely, searching her features. He wasn't even listening to her words. He tilted his head into the light briefly and she saw something in his eyes that mingled with the anger still brewing there. It almost looked like … longing … He stepped back, releasing her, and she heaved herself forward a bit to stand straight. He was looking her up and down, taking in her form.

"Give it to me," he put one hand on his hip and held the other one out, palm up.

"Give _what_ to you?" She straightened her shirt.

"The jewel, witch." His brow furrowed in a deeper frown.

"I don't own any jewels, idiot." She put both hands on her hips, matching his defiant stance.

"I don't believe you," he sounded suspicious.

"Well, believe me! Your wolf-buddy searched me over too and couldn't find anything. You might as well do the same!" She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, not really knowing his intentions any better than the okami's. He only brought his hand back to his hip. They squared off.

"What did he do to you?" suspicion grew in his voice and Kagome couldn't tell if he really cared about the answer.

"Nothing." She fumed at him, "and if he did, it'd be none of your business!"

"It _is_ my business," he stepped closer, towering over her and forcing her to look up at him. "Have you forgotten everything?"

There was, that slight bit of longing, in his voice this time. She didn't understand why he was insisting that she was someone else. It made her uncomfortable and she brought her eyes down from his face to rest on the arrow hole in the fabric of his suikan. She remembered his screams as she'd tried to wrest the arrow from him. Thinking of her success with the okami, she reflexively lifted her hand to his chest. He flinched a little, but he let her touch him. As her fingers pressed on the soft fabric, she instinctively knew she'd need to touch his skin.

"Show me the wound," it was like someone else's voice coming out of her mouth.

He looked mildly puzzled, but moved to release the ties that bound his clothing, pulling the deep red and creamy white garments away from his chest and off his shoulders, exposing a lean, hard torso with pale smooth skin. She gulped a little feeling the heat from him as she moved her hand over the small hole of twisted flesh over his heart. Extremely conscious of how tauntly his skin clung to his collar bones, the tendons of his neck and the strong muscles of his chest, shoulders and upper arms, she focused on the little spot of torture, radiating pain to her hand as it approached. Her cool fingers touched him in the space just next to his ribbed sternum, covering the arrow's path through him with her palm. She felt the suffering of his blood and then the healing heat came to her. Her hand burned until the pain forced a tear down her cheek. Finally, she withdrew her aching fingers and he raised a hand to his chest, looking down and carefully probing the spot. Only a small scar remained, a tiny blemish on his perfect form. His face lost the tense look he'd had since awakening and smoothed into the boyish features she'd seen while he slept. The beauty came back to him as she saw his eyes widen in wonder. He raised those wondrous eyes to hers and she watched them as they traced down the path of the tear that had fallen on her cheek.

She felt another one fall, for no reason at all.

From nowhere, a rush blurred by her and the white-haired enigma disappeared in a flash of black and brown. She reflexively hid behind her hands and heard a feral growl and then the solid thump of bodies hitting the dirt. Peeking through her fingers, she saw the silver-tressed man struggle out of his suikan, freeing his arms to grab at the beast falling upon him.

"Bastard!" It was the okami. "She's mine!" His only response was a snarl that sounded like rocks grinding against each other. Grunts and breathy exhalations flew around the clearing, following the bodies as they grappled each other, looking for a hold or room to swipe sharp claws. Muscled arms, backs and thighs blurred between her fingers as they rolled over on each other. She heard the sound of skin hitting armor, yells and howls of pain. The intensity of their fight scared her as she realizing that the strength of their blows would most likely kill her if she got in their way or fell prey to their frenzy. Looking up carefully, she eyed the well. If she could take advantage of their fighting, she might be able to get to it before they realized she was gone. She had no idea if she'd be able to get home by jumping in it, but she had to try. Inching her way from the tree, she made ready to run.

"Get off me, asshole!" It was the youkai man speaking, "I might let you have her, but first I have to know!"

Kagome stopped in her tracks. A wisp of memory tickled a forgotten corner of her mind. She shook it off, resisting the urge to turn, resisting the urge to find out with him. She broke for the well. After the excitement, discomfort and pain of the last few hours, she could feel her limbs move slowly, as if in a dream, dragged down by a fatigue even the adrenaline pumping through her could not overcome.

"Hey!" she heard the okami's voice from some distance now. "You let her get away!" His outburst received an incoherent response and she tried to pick up her pace. All manner of branch and leaf trailed her skin as she pushed through them into the clearing by the well. She heard sobbing in her own throat, a sob of fear for what smashed through the darkness behind her, a sob of sorrow for having to leave this place and a sob of confusion for why she felt so desperately torn.

As she mounted the well, she risked a glance back to see them crashing through the brush, both grabbing at the other as they ran at top speed, trying to pull ahead and reach her first. Time seemed to slow and she saw them grimace and strain against their own physical limits, sweat ran down their cheeks, muscles bulged with exertion, breath expelled from deep lungs and she felt the sheer power of their movements rushing at her. She was entranced, feeling a strong pull to let them catch her, but then she saw their claws and heard their grunts and pants and her fear returned. Sucking in a deep breath, she jumped, feeling relief as a beautiful light shown about her, suspending her in its magic. Looking up, she saw both their faces bathed in it as they watched her slowly descend into the blackness, sadness etched on their features. The silver-haired one reached down after her.

She almost reached back.

The sun shone brightly through her window as she woke, curled in a ball under her covers. Yawning, she went about her morning routine, trying to recall the strange, dark dream. There'd been magic. Animals. Men. They'd been after her.

As she came down the stairs, she heard Souta yell for her.

"Kagome!" he had _that tone_ in his voice, the one she knew meant he was really upset about something. Sighing, she slipped on her shoes and went outside looking for him. He stood by the sliding wooden door leading to the well. Her heart clenched at the site of the building, but she brushed away the irrational trepidation and came up to him.

"What's the matter, Souta?"

"Buyo's gone in there," the little boy's eyebrows were squished so tightly together, they called her hand to his brow to smooth them. "I'm scared to go in. Will you go get him?"

"Sure," she said, trying to quiet the boy's fear as much as her own and she slid the door open to enter the darkness again.

The End


	3. Spiritual Ties

_**Summary**: Miroku and Kagome help each other through a difficult time and draw closer in the process._

_**Disclaimer**: InuYasha and friends are the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi._

_**Spiritual Ties**_

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

_Kagome's really mad at you…_

_Damm…**let it go**…_

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_Bet she would have sat you if she could've…_

_Argghhhh…**let it go**…_

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_She's accusing you unfairly… go back!_

_**I will not go back! Everyone's frustrated. We all just need to cool down. I'm here to calm myself. Now, concentrate**… **let it go**…_

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_That tickle is a mosquito biting you…**let it go**…_

Inhale… hold

_That ruckus is Kagome screaming after InuYasha because he's leaving to see Kikyou…**let it go**…_

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_Go ahead and scratch that itch at the edge of your kazaana…**let it go**…_

Inhale… hold

_You know you want to…**let it go**…_

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

_Itch. Itch. Itch…**let it go**…_

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_Sango was looking nice in her clingy armor today, wasn't she?… **let it go**…_

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_You know your problem, don't you? …**let it go**…_

Exhale… hold

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_You're horny…**let it go**…_

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_Can't…**let it go**…_

Inhale… hold

Exhale… hold

_Too horny…_

_**ARGGGG!**_

Miroku breathed out loudly. _I can't do this. Not tonight. I'm sorry, Father. I'm sorry, Master Mushin. I just can't meditate tonight. _

The houshi looked over the valley below him as it darkened in the dusk, and watched small firefly lights begin to wink in an out as they floated over the growing fields. The scene was very peaceful, but there was no peace in his heart. He was agitated, and had been for days. They all had been. That afternoon, InuYasha had finally said what they'd all been thinking.

"Damn it!" The hanyou had tried once more to make the dragon scales appear on Tetsusaiga, using Kilala as his practice partner, with no effect whatsoever. "I just can't control it!" He'd slammed the rusty blade back into its scabbard, gave the nekoyoukai a rough but affectionate swipe on the brow and stomped back to their camp. "What's the use of another fucking sword upgrade if I can't control the damn thing?" He had been talking to no one in particular.

"It'll come, InuYasha," Kagome tried to sound reassuring, but Miroku could tell his rants were getting on her nerves too.

"Mouryomaru just keeps getting stronger," InuYasha had sounded really angry, not just his usual, annoyed self, "and we just keep running in fucking circles!" Then he'd started pacing, increasing everyone's tension.

Miroku saw Kagome scowl as she looked at her partner out of the corner of her eye. Kagome didn't scowl often, but when she did it was bad news for everyone nearby. He had thought he would intervene and try to save InuYasha some grief.

"Why don't InuYasha and I go to the village down there and see if there's been any word of Naraku, Mouryomaru, Hakudoshi, Kagura, Kanna, or anyone else suspicious." Miroku caught the hanyou's eye and jerked his head toward the road, widening his eyes in an effort to communicate _Come on, InuYasha! Let's go before you get yourself sat!_

But as usual, the hanyou was too stubborn, or thick, to get himself gracefully out of the situation, and only managed to make it worse.

"Nah," he huffed, giving Miroku a bemused look, clearly not understanding the great service his friend was trying to do for him. "They never know anything. I think I'll go see if I can find Kikyou. She might have found something by now."

"Argh!" Kagome had begun winding up and both men turned to her, somewhat fearful. "InuYasha!" The hanyou took a step back, his face blanching.

"Sit!"

Down he'd gone, smashing into the ground at Kagome's feet, groaning.

"Damn it, Kagome!" Bringing his hands up to his shoulders, the hanyou had tried to push against the spell before it dissipated. "Why the hell did you heal her if you didn't want her to help us?" Finally, he'd succeeded in getting himself back to his knees and glowered up at her. Miroku just rolled his eyes and turned away from the feuding pair to see Sango staring daggers at him.

"What?" Miroku asked, genuinely confused. That look on her face had been truly menacing, and he was sure he hadn't deserved 'it', whatever it was. "Why are you looking at _me _like that?"

"What is it you're hoping to find in the village, hm?" Sango glared at him. "Did you see some pretty girls there when we went through this afternoon?"

"No!" Miroku lied, "I was just trying to help InuYasha avoid-"

"Sit!" Kagome yelled again from behind him, making them both flinch.

"-that." Miroku finished lamely.

"Sure." Sango turned away.

Miroku had almost said something angry to her, his frustrations were running so high. But deep down he knew she had a point and he felt guilty about that. He had, in fact, been looking forward to visiting the village, if for no other reason than to take a look at some pretty women and fuel his fantasies that _some_day, _some_where, _some_ woman would actually enjoy his touch. He couldn't help his need to be with women. He needed their company, their presence and their attention. Groping was nice, but that wasn't really even as important as flirting, laughing and fawning, all of which filled a little sadness in him. He'd never known where this strong need originated, but it was as core a part of him as his blasted _kazaana_. And instead of filling that need herself, Sango always just pushed him away, forcing him to seek his satisfaction elsewhere. He had every intention of keeping his promise to her, but he still needed to be with women, and if she wouldn't at least humor him with a little feminine attention now and then, what choice did he have? Maybe tonight he'd just sit with Kagome if InuYasha really left. Sometimes that did the trick too.

"_What_ did I hear you say?" Miroku had turned to see Kagome stalking him, InuYasha face down in the dirt at her feet. "Did I hear you say you were trying to distract me to save his sorry butt?" She had jabbed her thumb over her shoulder at the smashed hanyou and her face was furious, her skin blushing a rosy pink that might have been attractive if it hadn't been surrounding those glowering eyeballs.

"No!" Miroku had instinctively backed away, sure that if there was ever a time Kagome could _sit!_ him, that would've been it. "I was just trying to help us find a little peace! Everyone is just too uptight. I think we could all use a little time alone."

They had all just stared at him, InuYasha finally managing to right himself.

"Fine!" All three of them had said together, turning on their various heels and knees and moving away in opposite directions.

He had watched them leave and then huffed away himself. Here. To mediate. Or, more precisely, to fail miserably in an attempt to meditate. He breathed out a sigh. _What kind of houshi can't meditate?_

As he pondered his situation, he sensed the presence of a feeling that had been haunting him for weeks as it once again insisted on seeking his attention. It always started as that itch inside his cursed palm. He looked down to see his left hand absentmindedly rubbing the cloth covering his kazaana at the edges of the wound, trying to appease the irritation he couldn't reach inside. He kept pushing this deep irritation away but it kept coming back. He knew that meant it was important, something he was _meant_ to sit with, something he needed to consider. But he didn't want to. Every time he even began to let it in, he became unbearably depressed and scared. But it was here. And it wasn't going away. So, it was either sit with it, finally, to see what it was about, or try to mediate again. Lousy choice. Something told him even if he tried to meditate, the feeling would infiltrate his concentration and insist on being recognized. _Fine then. Come. Let's get this over with._

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as the sadness descended, bringing a constriction of fear to his throat. Then it came as he opened himself for the first time to the feeling that had been trailing him, hiding in wait for him to become distracted and then demand to be acknowledged. The itching slowly became a dull ache reaching up his arm, turning towards his chest as it reached his shoulder, called by a dark emptiness in him. The emptiness, sucking at the pain in his hand, was that same sadness that only a woman's attentions could soothe. A cold stab of fear iced through him. _Are they connected? Is this emptiness making me more vulnerable to my kazaana? Is this how I will die? Eaten from the inside?_ There was a brief silence inside him into which another voice spoke.

_You should leave._

The voice was distinct, not his 'normal voice'. He knew he was entering another kind of meditation and that he must participate to understand. It was his own inner self speaking to him, providing him guidance. Knowing this did not remove the fear.

No. I don't want to leave Sango. Or Kagome or InuYasha. We are a team.

_She will not give you what you need and the 'team' is getting nowhere. You know you have the power to do this on your own. Your time is running short. _His arm throbbed from the inside as if to emphasize the point.

Sango and I can't give each other what we need until Naraku is destroyed. If I leave, I could just as easily get myself killed and weaken their ability to bring down Naraku in the end.

_Either way, you'll probably die in the process. Why make Sango watch? _

That's just an excuse. Why do you want so desperately for me to leave? Isn't this just my own frustration talking? You just make it sound easier to do it on my own, but it won't be.

_I am not your frustration._

Miroku thought about this. The visitations had been so insistent, so strong and so regular – and this sensation of pain in his arm and emptiness inside was so real - that he opened himself to the possibility that this wasn't, in fact, a conversation he was having with his small self, but with a spirit guide… or a spirit demon. Sometimes they were hard to distinguish. And if it was a spirit – guide or demon – he should pay it heed for it was most likely be in touch with his higher soul and be a conduit for his soul's guidance. He took a deep breath.

_Yes, now we can relate._

What lesson must I learn?

_What is your quest?_

Destroy Naraku.

_Why?_

To prevent this curse from plaguing my family for the rest of time.

_You don't need to destroy Naraku to end the curse. Just let it consume you now. You know how to do it. Open your hand and look deeply into the dark. The curse will stop._

Miroku felt the stab of dread that always stabbed through him when that vision came. How simple it would be. To just unseal his hand, look at it, and disappear. Sometimes this vision pulled at him as strongly as he pushed himself away from it.

_What more fuels your quest?_

Naraku's evil must stop. I want to prevent him from further torturing the ones I love, and countless others whose lives he warps and mutilates for his own twisted enjoyment.

_Ah. A compassionate motivation. _

The comfort of compassion bloomed in his heart, calming his fears and worries, settling over that emptiness like a soothing balm. How had he so easily forgotten the higher purpose that called him on this journey? Had that been what this was about? Had the spirit been tempting him with running away to help him remember his true motivation – the only motivation – that would help him vanquish Naraku in the end? The selfish motivation would undoubtedly lead to failure, but the higher purpose, the desire to bring peace to others and alleviate their pain, it could win in the end.

_Yes._

Miroku felt a wave of gratitude as peace flooded him, calming him and washing away the agitation and pain, soothing the emptiness. As soon as the peace came into his heart, the ache in his arm had nothing to reach for and dissipated. Bringing his hands together in front of him, he said the little prayer of thanks to the visiting spirit. But the spirit did not leave. _Is there more you would share?_

_Perhaps…_

What other lesson must I learn?

_It may not be yours to learn this time… but to give… and to receive._

I don't understand. What do you mean?

There was silence. The spirit had departed.

Miroku said another prayer of thanks and breathed deeply again, calmly, finally feeling the peace he'd sought earlier. He still felt the little emptiness and the itch at the edge of his _kazaana_, but they no longer reached for one another; they were back to 'normal', simmering and brewing until the next time. The vision of his immanent destruction was over and he felt refreshed and energized on a spiritual level. He decided against a structured meditation, but closed his eyes and allowed himself to simply listen to his breath as it became deeper at his body's natural urging, pulling vibrance from the air and circulating it through his body and spirit. He felt the peace relax him at the same time that his body began to feel strong, full of energy from his breath. He wanted to lie down and float and he wanted to jump up and run at the same time. A small smile played at his lips at the excitement he felt, so happy to be free of the frustration that had been clogging him of late. He liked the feeling of spiritual sensitivity he had now, aware of the world and the creatures in it in a new, more finely attuned, way.

_To give and to receive... what does that mean?_ No answer came to him, which simply meant that the opportunity to understand had not yet presented itself.

A sound reached his ears, one meant to break his concentration, one worth breaking it. Kagome was crying. He opened his eyes to listen, expecting to hear Sango's soft reassurances as she held her friend. But they didn't come. Sango must have left, too. Taking a last breath and blowing out another prayer of thanks, Miroku rose and followed the sounds of Kagome's sobs. He saw her, sitting further over on the hillside. Like him, she'd come to look over the valley, to be alone. He approached, ready to leave.

"Kagome?" He was careful to keep his voice respectful and low, sensitive to her pain. "Are you alright?"

"Miroku." She raised her head from her arms, which were wrapped around her knees, pulled into herself. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" He came to her side and squatted, placing a hand gently on her shoulder, sensing her, feeling her sorrow and loneliness. "You don't need to be sorry."

"But I got so mad at you when you were trying to help InuYasha and me stop fighting. And now I've ruined your meditation," she gulped up a little sob and put her head back on her arms.

"We were all upset," he knelt by her, "and my meditation fell apart long before you came here. A good meditation can take place in the middle of a bustling village. External distraction is a function of the mind." He laughed at himself. "You didn't ruin my meditation. I did that all by myself."

"Really?" She sat up a little more and seemed genuinely relieved that he was not upset.

"May I sit with you?" Something told him she might like to talk. And with InuYasha and Sango both gone, he was concerned for her well-being, at least that was the excuse he gave himself for inviting himself into her sadness.

"Yes," she brightened a bit. "I'd like that."

"Good." He settled in next to her, looking out over the shadowed valley. The moon shone brightly now and stars glimmered here and there in the sky. His sense of peace grew, just looking at them. He also noticed that little warmth in his heart, the balm that being in a woman's company always brought to him. Kagome was his friend, but she also smelled good and it made him feel good to sit next to her.

"I guess you're wondering why I was crying." She put her head back on her arms, but her sobs had subsided.

"I'm guessing you're upset that InuYasha left to find Kikyou." He hoped he wasn't going to make her feel worse with that statement, but he knew Kagome would not welcome efforts to avoid the truth.

"Of course." She took a deep breath and dropped her knees to sit cross-legged, wiping at her eyes. "But I guess there's more to it than that." He waited, letting her share what she was willing to let go. "I feel so frustrated. InuYasha is right, we're getting nowhere. And I'm supposed to be this really 'powerful' miko-" she sniffed and wiped at her eyes again, "but I don't know all the stuff Kikyou does. I was hoping she'd teach me something after I saved her in the water. I'm supposed to be her soul's reincarnation, and even if I'm not, I'm trying to destroy Naraku too, but she doesn't do anything to help me!" Anger suffused her voice now. "She just keeps coming in to save the day and make me look like an idiot… and InuYasha keeps running after her… and I'm not learning anything about how to use my powers… and I keep thinking if I were a really 'powerful miko', I'd be able to do something to destroy Moryumaru or Naraku… or at least figure out where the hell they are! Arghhhhh!" Kagome finally ran out of words and just growled in frustration.

Miroku smiled to himself. How well he understood her feelings. And now, the spirit's guidance began to made sense to him. This must be his opportunity.

"Kagome," he said softly, "we're all frustrated, and you have every right to be angry at Kikyou and InuYasha. They are being selfish, but you know it is because they are still caught in the trauma of their relationship's ending and must see it through." He paused while she nodded. They'd spoken of this before and slipped easily into this conversation where Miroku once again helped her let go of anger so they could all four continue to function together until their task was complete.

"I know," she sighed and he could almost feel her letting go as she let out a deep sigh. "Thank you, Miroku."

The sat in silence for a few minutes and Miroku searched his feelings, opening his heart to seek guidance on how he could best help Kagome at this juncture in her journey.

"Kagome," he let the words flow through him, originating from many sources, "I know little of the training a miko receives, the powers they can manipulate or the secrets they protect. But my own training provides me insight into the workings of the world and the powers within it." He closed his eyes, feeling his words take form in his heart and make their way into his throat and out his lips. "All power stems from the same source, the Unknowable which is known intimately to us all. I believe that at their core, mikos and houshis draw on the same powers to help them bring peace and comfort to those they are bound to help in this world." He paused, letting them both absorb his words. "If you wish it, I will share with you whatever I know that may be helpful to you." He opened his eyes and turned to her, smiling, "and I would learn from you."

Kagome looked at him and blinked a few times. He saw the shadow of her lashes move over her eyes at least three times before she spoke. "Miroku," she sounded surprised, but not displeased. "Would you really, teach me?"

"I don't know if I have much to teach you," he said, still smiling, glad of her openness, "but I would share with you what I know."

"What's the difference?" She asked, curious; a schoolgirl again.

"Teaching implies that I know something you do not and that I would be in a position to test your knowledge, which I am not," he paused to let her absorb that thought. "When I share what I know with you, it is up to you to do something useful with it and to determine its value to you." She thought on this.

"Okay. I think I understand," she turned towards him and he felt her presence shift to focus on him. Her energy was like a warm blanket descending on him and he began to dwell on it for a brief moment, glowing a little in its beauty. His own energy sparked at being the focus of hers, vibrating a bit faster to speed his blood, attuning to her aura and her power. She broke through his reverie with a simple question. "How do we start?"

"First-" he struggled a little to bring his thoughts back to where they'd started, to helping her. He hadn't been prepared for the physical impact of her aura when she directed it at him, nor was he used to being so near her when they were both so in need and so willing to open to the other. _Careful, houshi. Don't earn your reputation._ He took a deep, centering breath and came back to where he'd been a few moments ago, listening to the guidance of his heart. "First, we start with purification, which is your strongest power and one which we share." She nodded and he felt her aura lighten a little with his compliment. "What does it feel like, when you purify something?"

She looked up at the stars over his head, thinking. "I guess, hm, well I don't know if this is going to make any sense, but it feels like everything fades away except for this kind of – warmth – in my heart." She laughed, a little embarrassed suddenly. "This is going to sound silly, but it almost feels like love. Anyway, I just concentrate on flowing that energy into my arms and the bow, centering it on the arrow tip. Then I make a wish and let the arrow fly." She looked back at him. "That's it."

"As I thought, very much like my experience of charging the ofudas," she smiled at his affirmation of her experience, and he enjoyed the glow from her aura again, "I, too, pull my energy into my heart, say a prayer over it and direct the power of it into my hand holding the ofuda. Then I throw it."

"Really?" She came to her knees, leaning forward a bit, soaking in his words. "Just the same?"

"Basically." Miroku cleared his throat and concentrated on centering himself again. He was finding her intensity very distracting. "Let me tell you what I was taught about this experience we share." He shifted a little to the side so that he was not facing her directly. Somehow, this reduced the potency of her affect on him, for which he was thankful. "The human body has an energy system-"

"The chakras!" Kagome interrupted, "I've heard about them."

"Uh," Miroku was a little confused by her word, "I am not familiar with that word, Kagome."

"Oh," she became more subdued, "I'm sorry. Go ahead and I won't interrupt you again."

"It's alright," he said, "let me finish and then you can tell me about the 'chakras,' maybe they are the same, after all." She nodded and he continued. "I am not a healer, so I don't know many details about the _qi_ of the human body." He noted that she cocked her head to the side. "_Qi_ is the term I learned for the body's spiritual energy. It is what ties our spirits to our earthly forms in this incarnation. It is what makes us strong or weak - physically, spiritually and emotionally. As I said, I'm not a healer, but I was taught to notice a few of the _qi_ centers in my body and to use them to channel energy."

"And one of the _qi_ centers is in the heart, isn't it?" Kagome's question sounded more like a statement to him. She knew she was right. She placed a hand over her heart and he nodded.

"Yes, it is," he said. "I think there are many more, but I was only taught three. Baihui, the link to spirit on the top of the head; Huiyin, the link to the earth at the base of the spine; and Lingtai, the place of power where they join hands in the heart."

"Yes," she said quietly. He could tell she'd turned inward, and was sensing her own body. "Yes, there are many more... they're beautiful…"

Suddenly, Miroku took in a sharp breath as he felt her aura expand and wash over him with a burning sensation as she tapped into some point of power within her. His heart beat madly in his ears and adrenaline washed through him, flowing through his veins and going straight into his groin. He felt very flustered and tried to breathe deeply but found his lungs barely moving as the waves of sensation assaulted him. Did she have any idea what she was doing? What she was doing to _him_? He waited, trying only somewhat successfully to calm himself and quiet his body's excitement as it responded to the energy flowing from her.

He watched her in the dark as she opened her eyes, looking straight into his. He felt an intensification of their connection as their eyes continued to meet and neither looked away. His heart sped up again, but this time it was for a different reason. Somehow in that space between their eyes, a door had opened, an opportunity for intimacy between them. Allowing himself to feel it now, he realized it had always been there, born from a shared respect and appreciation for each other. His body insisted on reminding him that he also found her very attractive.

"Tell me about the chakras," he tried to come across nonchalantly, but his voice sounded high-pitched and nervous in his ears. "Are they similar to the _qi_?" He tried to break eye contact with her, but he couldn't. It wasn't clear whether this was because she would not allow it or because he did not want to.

"I don't know much about them," her voice was low and soft, belying the powerful hold on his spirit she manipulated at that moment, "only that they align to the spine and key into different parts of the body. They have something to do with emotions too." He thought he felt her take a breath, the vibration of it coming through her aura into his through the point where their energies met. "I suppose one would be at the top of the head and one would be at the base of the spine, and I'm sure one is in the heart. So, there must be a similarity." She paused to breathe again, and he felt she was pulling the breath up and down _his_ spine, running it through the power centers of _his_ body. "I feel more, though, many more. Some are very strong."

Miroku's heart sped again, feeling a pulse of energy from her. What was she thinking?

Kagome sat transfixed, eyes shut and concentrating on the surging powers flowing through her. She felt her hands vibrating with energy and the feeling was thrilling, exciting. She felt as though the moon and the earth had established a direct link – straight through her body. She tried to remember what had happened. Miroku had been talking about power centers along the spine. She'd focused inward trying to feel them and suddenly fireworks showers had burst inside her as the earth and sky connected in her. She remembered to breathe and the motion of her breath only made it more amazing. As she inhaled, she felt she was floating up and as she exhaled she came gently back down.

She heard Miroku take in a sharp breath and suddenly she could feel him, feel his strong energy next to her, within her aura, which seemed to be expanding around them. As she focused on him, she felt a rush of warmth in a particularly strong power center between her navel and tailbone. A flash of orange exploded behind her eyes when she concentrated on this power and before she really understood what was happening, she felt her own power reach out to meet his, or was his reaching to meet hers? However it happened, their energies met, pulling into each other and causing a spike of heat between them.

Feeling as though she was in a trance, she opened her eyes to look into his. His eyes were wide with surprise and through them she felt she understood him, his heart. She'd always known he was a good man, but now – with the power of the earth and sky coursing through her – she saw into his heart and saw the place of pain that was his weakness, saw the dark hole of need that he struggled so hard to fill. Its insatiability sucked at all his powers, seeking completion. And even worse, it connected to his kazaana, pulling at its edges and forcing it to grow.

He asked her about chakras and some part of her brain responded even as she continued to look into his heart. He definitely felt this strong energy now channeling through her, it excited him and his excitement began to feed her own, adding a loop between them to channel the natural powers flooding into and out of her. She felt their hearts connecting, but an even stronger pull came from lower down, circling through that orange heat center below her belly. She felt the heat of this connection growing and while one part of her was powerfully drawn to explore it, other urges nagged at her, encouraging her to balance her own energy first.

"Miroku," her voice sounded as if someone else spoke through her, "will you please wait for me here?"

"Uh," he stammered a bit and a small part her thought it was very endearing, "of course, Kagome." She sensed he was flushed and heard his breath quicken as she rose and stepped away.

She walked as though following an unheard call into the trees about fifteen meters away from where he sat, waiting. There she approached a tree and instinctively put her hands against its rough bark. Immediately, she felt the calming, grounding energy of the tree as it began to balance out the surges still running through her, stabilizing them, slowing their vibrations until the flood was a thrumming stream. Breathing deeply, she concentrated on the energy itself, now that it seemed more under control. She sensed several distinct places in her body where the energy flared as it moved through her, each place had a unique color and 'feel.' The orange place was very powerful and tied to her sex. But her heart, a glowing green, was even more powerful and she centered herself there until she was ready to return to Miroku.

As she settled down next to him again she was glad to see that he, too, was calmer, but his energy still burned orange, like flames she saw rising around him. She concentrated on staying centered in her heart, letting the warm-but-cool green glow surround her and protect her from the orange flames coming from him to lick at her. She looked again into his heart and saw the dark spot, saw how vulnerable it was, saw the path to it from his hand. _That is the path the shouki will take to destroy him_. She knew she couldn't heal his hand, Naraku's curse still being too strong for her powers, but she could help strengthen the vulnerability in his heart, help fill the need there.

"Miroku," she looked back into his eyes, focusing on the cooling sense of peace in her heart. "may I touch you?" At her words, the orange flames already swirling around him exploded and reached out to her, pulling and sucking at her energy, needy and wanting.

"Uh," he was stammering again, "I don't know, Kagome. Is that wise?"

"It will be alright," she tried to reassure him with a joke. "I promise not to put my hand on your butt."

"Uh," he almost looked disappointed. "Okay then."

Becoming serious again, she rose onto her knees, moving closer to him. He looked uncertain but did not move away. She raised her hand to her heart and concentrated on pulling all the love and warmth she could feel in the energy coursing through her into her heart, including all the desire she had for his happiness and for his wholeness. With a wish for his well-being, she pushed the energy into her hand, making it glow slightly with flickers of green, pink and grey. Then she reached between them to place her hand on his heart, pushing her love and light into that dark place, the place that yearned for the touch of a woman, filling it.

Their eyes locked and the unbreakable bond was established again. He was warm under her hand and she felt the rise and the fall of his chest with his breath, felt the rapid beat of his heart against her fingers, felt the pull from the hole in his heart, pulling all the love she had to give. She kept the energy flowing, having an unlimited supply from the earth and sky, and they sat like this for some time, as she gave to him and he took from her. The whole time, their eyes concentrated on each other.

As soon as she had touched him, the orange flames surrounding him reached around her, trying to engulf her green serenity, but unsuccessfully. As time went on and her love flowed into him, healing him, his consuming intensity began to calm, simmering between them, lapping gently at her, warming her. After some time, the flames had calmed into a small rainbow of sparks flying around him, swirling beautifully and lazily around them both. Kagome realized she was tired and she broke their contact, slumping a little and looking down at the grass underneath her knees.

"Kagome," he sounded concerned, "are you alright?"

"Yes," she was fine, just tired. Raising her hands to her face she realized that the energy had stopped surging through her, leaving her feeling somewhat empty. But her hands still tingled as she felt random energy banging around inside her, jangling her nerves all of a sudden. "But I don't feel quite right…" she shook her hands, "like I've got all this extra energy that doesn't know where else to go-" she started to feel a little panicked as the energy became agitated and began to upset her. She shook her hands more vehemently. Miroku seemed to sense her discomfort.

"I've seen healers do this before," he shifted forward to put his hands on the ground, "they say they can drain excess energy into the soil to clear themselves."

"Okay," she leaned forward and put her palms on the grass and immediately felt relief as the clamoring whirls of energy flowed from her palms into the earth, leaving her with a comfortable fatigue. "Thanks. It worked." She looked up at him again to see his smile. He looked happier than she'd seen him in weeks.

"Kagome-" he swallowed. "Thank you. I don't think I realized how broken I felt. I'm not sure what just happened, but I think you found a very special miko power and I feel privileged that you tried it out on me. I feel… I feel wonderful. Thank you."

He picked up her hand in his and held it. She felt his warmth and strength and suddenly she could hardly sit up. Lurching forward, she stopped herself from falling with her other hand.

"Oh!" She took a deep breath as she steadied herself. "I don't know why I'm so tired all of a sudden."

"Here," Miroku reached up and took her by the shoulders, lifting her weight as though she were nothing and sat her in his lap, leaning her head against his chest. As he wrapped his arms around her, her eyes succumbed to the weight of their lids and she rested in his embrace. It wasn't sleep exactly that took her, just a need to relax and let her body refuel. The sound of his heart next to her ear was like the earth's heartbeat itself - deep, steady and comforting. His breath, drifting down to breeze against her face and humming in and out of his lungs next to her was ceaseless, restful and hopeful. His arms under her shoulders and across her thighs were solid and hard, protecting her.

Finally, she did sleep.

Miroku held Kagome carefully, feeling he held a precious life, feeling protective, feeling grateful. He heard her breathing become soft and regular as her hand, which had been holding his wrist, loosened and fell softly into her lap. She was asleep and he was glad.

He still wasn't sure what she'd done, or how she'd done it, but while he'd experienced so many feelings this night, from anger and frustration to extreme sexual excitement. It had all been fueled by some emptiness he hadn't understood until she'd touched him, filling it. He felt stronger, less vulnerable to the kazaana and shouki wounds in his body and the desperation in his heart. He felt more in control of himself. Barely fifteen minutes ago, he had been fighting his body's desire to have sex with her and now he felt nothing but compassion and love for her, for her gifts to him.

He felt his eyes become moist, looking out over the moonlit valley, watching the stars that dotted the sky. All the mysteries were here with them. The great dichotomies of pain and love, turmoil and peace, desire and compassion… they all sat with him now, all of them, in his heart and in his arms. His training had prepared him for these things, but each time he experienced them again, he was moved and awed. His spirit guide had been right, he had needed to learn that lesson again, and he had had something to give in return.

It was late when he heard the rush of flames that signaled Kilala's descent. Miroku looked up sleepily to see Kilala descending with both Sango and InuYasha on her back. The hanyou dismounted from high in the air and landed lightly next to him in a crouch.

"Is she okay?" InuYasha's expression was hard to read in the night.

"She's fine," Miroku became aware that their position could be construed as compromising, but he had nothing to hide and the good feelings still in him gave him courage to tell the truth. "She had a strong miko experience tonight and she used it…" he surprised himself, swallowing a small constriction in his throat, "she used it to heal me."

Sango walked up to hear the last part of his statement. He looked up at her, happy to see her, and tried to let his happiness show on his face.

InuYasha didn't say anything, but gazed at Kagome's peaceful face somewhat wistfully, Miroku thought. Then he reached out to pick Kagome up out of Miroku's lap, turning quietly to carry her back to where they had started to set up camp earlier.

Sango knelt beside him and placed her hand on his knee. He felt the small return of the warm energy in his groin and this time it made him smile.

"Houshi," she said, "were you injured?"

"No, dear Sango," he smiled at her again.

"Then why did Kagome need to heal you?" She sounded confused.

"I'm still not sure," he admitted, "I only know that the discomfort from my hand is diminished. I feel stronger. Somehow Kagome knew – even more than I did – that I was weakening. And she healed me."

Sango reached to grasp the hand covered in protective cloth and spelled beads. Pulling it to her, she turned it up to look at his shielded palm.

"Is there no way to heal this?" the worry was clear in her voice.

"Only one," he said, feeling her sadness. "And that is why we continue to fight." She looked at him.

"I wish I had the power to heal it, houshi," she whispered.

"My dear Sango," he said, reaching for her and guiding her into his lap, filling the space Kagome had left moments before. "You heal a wound far more important."

_The End_

_End notes: _

_Apologies to Reiku for making Kagome into a bodhisattva. It fit the storyline…._

_Mea Culpa to the intentional corner-cutting of both Buddhist and Hindu spiritual traditions. I did, in fact, use some reasonably researched information and personal spiritual experience in the writing of this fic, however._

_In the chakra system, the second chakra (colored orange) is associated with base needs such as sex, money and power. The fourth chakra (colored green) is associated with feelings of love and compassion. While this can include romantic love (which also exists at the level of the second chakra) it is generally more unconditional and universal in nature and therefore operative between friends and strangers alike._

_The healing technique Kagome used is called Reiki, a Japanese technique of laying on of hands to bring energy into the body for deep relaxation and a sense of well-being. Invented in the early 1900s, it's plausible that she might have read about it (and chakras) in a magazine back home._

_While there are many links between Buddhist thought and the concepts of the chakras today, much of this is relatively recent and a product of Western interpretations of many Eastern traditions. For purposes of this story, I assumed that Miroku was a Buddhist monk in the Chinese tradition and whatever he'd learned of human energy systems had come from that tradition. However, since Buddhism and the chakra system both originated in India and Buddhism traveled to Japan via China, I think it's a reasonable assumption to make that the systems are based on the same basic understanding of human anatomy and spiritual power. I don't know that Shinto priests or priestesses studied energy systems at all. However, I also don't think that Kagome has particularly "studied" Shinto traditions. Based on her attitude toward tradition in the first chapter of the series and her relative reliance on Kikyou throughout the series for guidance on what to do spiritually, I would guess that Kagome's approach to her spiritual powers is intuitive, as I've tried to represent in this story. For this reason, I think Kagome would not find a description of chakras or qi very foreign at all. _

_Finally, I know that most forms of Buddhism specifically teach their disciples to ignore the presence of voices and spirits etc. in favor of personal and mental discipline during meditation. However, for purposes of character development, I took liberties and gave Miroku what I concocted in my head as a form of 'country Buddhism,' most likely influenced by the Shinto beliefs in spirits from the farmers of the surrounding countryside._


	4. Entangled

_**Summary**: After Naraku, Sesshoumaru rebuilds his father's dominion, using force, cunning and an alliance with humans. Rin is key to his strategy, but even Sesshoumaru's maneuvering cannot guess her ultimate role in the entanglements of his plans and his heart. (Nominated for Best One-Shot and Best Drama in IYFG's 2nd quarter 2006 awards)._

_**Disclaimer**: InuYasha and friends are the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi._

_**A/N:** A 'shirabyoshi' is the historical predecessor to the Geisha, a cultured and educated woman who uses her skills in the arts to entertain an audience at court._

_**Entangled**_

When she was eight, he saved her life.

When she was ten, he enjoyed her company.

When she was thirteen, he gave her away.

Imagawa Castle, its heavy mahogany beams framing peaceful rooms and gardens that brimmed with elegant serenity, was an imperfect symbol of the plotting violence and intrigue whispered between its inhabitants. The private reception room of the most powerful daimyo in the West perched atop the sweeping shingled stories of this mountain fortress. A small and extremely simple room, it required three floor fire pits to warm, which almost made up for icy blasts of air breezing in the open windows - the price of a breathtaking view of the dominated lands below. With its great height, the castle was easily defensible and the daimyo's privacy virtually impossible to invade.

Daimyo Yoshimoto of the powerful Imagawa clan sat in the seat of honor, his deep purple robes carefully arranged around him on the floor. Silently he eyed the legendary demon across his ceremonial sake table. Despite having heard stories of the eerie yellow eyes, long silver hair and scarred face, the warlord was unprepared for the sheer presence of the beast he faced, a feral violent energy whirling about him when he moved and lying in wait when he was still. Without even speaking, the demon had shot fear into his heart only akin to the terror he'd experienced in an accidental and almost deadly encounter with a wildcat. And the demon had had this effect on him merely by entering the room. Yoshimoto was careful not to let his discomfort show, but he was fairly sure the demon could detect it anyway.

The fine ceramic cups on the table between them were untouched, the sake not yet poured. Yoshimoto's courtesan, Noko, sat well back from the table, her knees tucked tightly underneath her opulent green robes, her hands placed flat on her thighs and her eyes lowered to the mat in front of her. She sat the appropriate number of paces behind him and to his right, waiting for a signal. He had not yet decided whether this visit warranted a polite toast of his best batch, and Yoshimoto had not survived so long or so successfully without being extremely wary.

For his part, Sesshoumaru was aware of the effrontery and felt an ice cold anger begin to build. Though he welcomed the lack of time-consuming ceremony that humans tended not to waste on youkai, the scent told him this was a fine brew and he'd been many months on the road without such pleasures.

"Your territory here in the Suruga province has expanded in recent years, and you've been successful in securing access to the Tokaido road into Edo," Sesshoumaru continued the conversation that had lapsed, seeking an expeditious way into the purpose of his visit. "This is to be honored." He did not nod his head, which would have displayed true honor. Two could play at this disrespectful game.

"Yes," the daimyo seemed pleased; though the twitch of an eyebrow made it was clear he had noted the slight. "It is a constant battle to claim more territory here in the West, but one which we are winning."

"Yet, you encroach more deeply into the domain of my heritage," Sesshoumaru allowed a note of warning to slice into his deep voice.

"I was not aware of this," Yoshimodo intoned carefully and probably honestly, most humans barely even recognized a youkai, much less their land claims. The inuyoukai detected no deceit in the warlord's statement, which was good, although he did detect fear, which was very good. "I'm sure you appreciate that my duty is to expand the influence of my Shogun, first and foremost. I have no interest in demon power struggles." Yashimoto was reminding his guest that the affairs of humans were more binding on him than any potential youkai obligations or offers.

"This is of no concern to me," Sesshoumaru stated rather flippantly, and definitely honestly. "Your human relations are yours to struggle within and if that is all they are, then they may continue on my lands." Yoshimoto frowned, finding Sesshoumaru's claim annoying, which suited the silverhaired being in front of him very well. "However," the youkai lord allowed the word hang there for a moment, "you may be unaware that you have begun to stir up trouble with your movements towards the East. Trouble of a youkai kind. Trouble which may make my efforts to reassert control over the Western youkai challenging." Yoshimoto's face remained implacable, but Sesshoumaru caught a fresh scent of sweat and smiled to himself. Perfectly positioned.

"If my human ties don't concern you, your youkai entanglements do not concern me," Yoshimoto said in an even tone, with an ease belied by his newly sharp scent.

"You think so, daimyo? My 'entanglements' will soon be yours, stirring those less… refined… than I, who may seek to destroy you in your own domain. Worse for you, their assaults are likely to threaten your control of that Tokaido Road you so jealously guard. Without it, your value to the Tokugawa clan becomes limited indeed." The man frowned again, finally understanding the threat and beginning to seek a way out, which Sesshoumaru had conveniently arranged. Ready to make the offer this human could not refuse, he shifted forward, enough to catch the man's gaze in his golden stare. "This may yet work to our advantage if we are both very," he chose his words carefully, "deliberate." Sesshoumaru raised his knee and propped an elbow on it, a sign that could be taken as either disrespect or an invitation to camaraderie. He would let the human choose which it would be. He hung his one arm casually over his knee, displaying long claws, one of which exuded a single green drop of poison. The drop fell to the mat and there was an audible sizzle. The daimyo's face paled a bit, but his expression was unchanged.

"What do you want?" Yoshimoto was losing patience and the rudeness of his direct question indicated he'd chosen the confrontational path for this conversation. Sesshoumaru clenched his teeth and felt his fangs pinch the inside of his lip. He had other options, but none so convenient as this.

"It is your choice, human," his voice barely betrayed his annoyance, carrying an unmistakable level of threat, "you may give me space on your land and in your household to establish a defensive position in this territory…," again he let the words hand in the air, "or I will take it."

Yoshimoto reacted as expected and let his smooth face take on the downward curves of a scowl.

"If you could take it so easily, we would not be talking, demon," he said in a low voice, "what do you really want?"

"I only say what I mean," Sesshoumaru remained unruffled, "But I will elaborate. It is more convenient for me not to have to defend this territory from the inside and the outside simultaneously." He narrowed his amber eyes at the man across from him, making clear his threat. "If you comply with my wishes, I will defend this territory from youkai threats you cannot even detect until they are upon you, slaughtering your livestock, razing your villages and destroying the road. It will also be convenient for me to defend your castle, since I will need it as my Command headquarters, where my commander will reside, and where I may come when I visit."

"And how often is that going to be?" Yoshimoto had dropped all pretense of civility, hating the corner position.

"Not often from your point of view," Sesshoumaru enjoyed the struggle on the man's face and sought to watch it fester. "Every few years or so, whenever I need to come this far West. Though it may not seem so to you, the East is less stable and requires my attention more often. With any luck, you and I will only meet a few more times before you die."

Yoshimoto's scowl deepened and Sesshoumaru saw him flick his fingers together nervously. This made him unprepared for the human's boldness.

"What assurance can you give me that it will remain 'convenient' for your troops to protect this castle when your 'person' is not present?" The man leaned forward aggressively. "What assurance can you give me that your demon beasts, or whatever they are, will find it 'convenient' not to raze the villages under the guise of 'protecting' them?"

Sesshoumaru sighed inwardly. Although in the end it was better not to have a stupid ally, it did make things more difficult up front. He prepared himself to make the offer, the best one he had, and he hoped for convenience sake that the man was wise enough to accept it.

"I will gift you my ward, the young girl you saw enter the grounds with me," Sesshoumaru kept his eyes level with the man's letting him see the seriousness of this offer. "She will make a fine addition to your court. As long as she resides here, it will be extremely 'convenient,'" he emphasized the word on purpose, "for me personally, and for my agents as well, to protect the castle." He noted with some satisfaction the man's incredulity at his offer and proceeded to remove the other barriers to their negotiation. "You may arrange her marriage as you see fit and her dowry will be my protection of her husband's lands." Although marriage had little meaning in youkai culture, Sesshoumaru understood the binding it had on humans. The daimyo began to grasp the value of his offer. Sesshoumaru laid what he suspected the man's last fear to rest, adding a sneer to his voice. "You needn't fear. She is fully human and has not been defiled by youkai or man."

"But she is of unclear breeding," the man was grasping for leverage, though he had none. "Uncouth and untrained in the ways of the court. I can't arrange her marriage without knowing her origins!"

"You know as well as I that such – history – is a matter of mere research by those under your control. And training is a simple thing if the reward is power," Sesshoumaru leaned in, not aggressively but to increase the intensity of the discussion, trying to bring it to a close. "She is bright, deferential and on the way to beauty. There is not another jewel in your trove so bright," Sesshoumaru ground his fangs again, "with the possible exception of perhaps of the maiden behind you." Flattery did not come naturally to him, but he was growing weary of this discussion and he wanted the sake, wafting its enticing scent in his direction.

Yoshimoto looked at him for some time, wary of this uncharacteristic compliment to his house, trying to read unreadable golden eyes. Finally, he gave a quick nod and gestured for the sake to be poured.

"Call in the girl," he said as the woman rose and moved to the little table, lifting the sake bottle.

"What?" Jaken emitted his most indignant squeak. "Out of my way, human!" He tried to dart between the guard's legs but was brought to an abrupt halt by a halberd that sliced into the tatami mat a centimeter from his longest toe.

"No further," the ceremonially dressed human intoned. "The lords say you stay out here."

"Lords? Both of them? Are you sure you heard right, you pathetic weakling?" Jakan spoke boldly into the face of a mask that looked as frightening as any youkai he'd ever met.

"I'm sure," the masked human said firmly.

Jaken's knees quaked. Damn! If only he could use the Staff of Two Heads! But Sesshoumaru had warned him about stupid mistakes and he clamped his mouth shut, swallowing his most common meal – his pride. When Jaken relaxed and stepped back, the guard moved away to allow Rin, who actually _had_ been summoned, to pass into the room beyond. Jaken felt a sinking feeling in his chest.

Rin approached Sesshoumaru's back and took in the finely appointed room. Sparsely but exquisitely furnished, she'd never seen screens painted with such fine brushes on such subtle colors and she'd never dreamed that two blossoming limbs could be arranged into such bare perfection, their pink bursts of color floating against the backdrop of the open windows as though the cut bark still thrived outside. She felt a sense of awe at her surroundings as she kneeled behind Sesshoumaru, careful not to fall over in the tightly wrapped kimono.

That morning, Sesshoumaru had donned his full battle armor and come to her with an elaborately carved cedar box. From it he produced a stunning silk kimono and obi. The kimono's silk was the finest she'd ever touched and it was covered in carefully stenciled designs of soft lotus blossoms, sparkling crystal pools and lush vegetation. The obi, expertly crafted out of an even finer silk, almost shimmered like the water pattern woven into its lovely surface. The kimono was made to be worn by an adult woman and required many extra folds and tucks to fit her slight form. Sesshoumaru himself - Jaken being useless - had helped her tie the obi in its ceremonial knot. How had he learned such an intricate pattern of folding? She dared not ask.

She knew something important was happening when he called on her to accompany him to the castle on the mountain, wearing the rich clothing. She followed him as he had trained her to do very precisely over the past few months since Naraku had been destroyed. Since that day, he had become more distant, more remote in his thoughts than usual, which meant he almost never spoke to her. For reasons she didn't understand, fear had come to her as she walked behind him that morning and she found the courage for a question she thought he might answer.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," her mouth had been dry, "are we visiting human or youkai today?" They had begun visiting more and more settlements of late, and though Sesshoumaru always commanded Rin and Jaken to remain outside the place of his meeting, they were never called upon, and he had never asked her to dress in such finery before.

"Humans," he said curtly. "You will be polite. No disrespect will be tolerated." His voice was harsher than usual, feeding her fear.

"Have I embarrassed you before?" Rin's voice caught in her throat, fear and sorrow colluding to rob it from her. "I am so ashamed, my lord." Her steps slowed involuntarily as her knees threatened to buckle under her. The straps of the geta he'd given her felt tight and uncomfortable, her feet being accustomed to running free in the grass. She saw his head turn very slightly so that his delicately pointed ear and purple gashed cheek faced her.

His voice held its usual deep, soft and threatening tone. "You have not embarrassed me yet, Rin. See that you don't."

Somewhat heartened, she had sped up and together with Jaken they moved across the bridge and through the castle gates. And now she sat in the daimyo's private chamber, very aware that the lady carefully pouring sake for her lord was wearing a lesser grade of silk than she. Noticing this, she was suddenly thankful to Jaken who had babbled incessantly about the trivial details of court life ever since she could remember. She'd always thought his yammering a bother, but in the last two hours since coming here with Sesshoumaru, she had begun to appreciate the fact that there was a lot to know about living in a castle. A lot she did not understand.

"What else does she bring?" The daimyo, Yoshimoto, spoke as he replaced his sake cup carefully on the table. Rin looked at him from under her downcast lashes for the first time. He was tall for a human, though probably at least a half meter shorter than Sesshoumaru. Although one of the older humans she'd ever seen, almost forty, his face was large with a powerful jaw, the smooth skin of which rippled now under a sparse mustache as he glared at her lord with black smoldering eyes. She felt adrenaline shoot out of her heart, responding to a fear before she understood what it was.

"The silks she wears." Sesshoumaru's voice was calm, but Rin detected a note of tension she rarely heard in it. He was uneasy and this made her even more nervous.

"Pah!" Yoshimoto spat. "Cheap village production." A deep rumble vibrated the mats beneath them and Rin recognized the fearsome sounds of Sesshoumaru's youkai arousal. Yoshimoto also sensed the shift in attitude from his guest and he immediately softened his features.

"Noko-san," he flicked a finger at the woman who had poured the sake. "Review her garb." The woman rose hesitantly, her eyes still on the floor, and walked a wide circle to avoid Sesshoumaru as she approached Rin, indicating that she should stand. Rin stood, following Noko's unspoken instructions to hold her arms out, letting the heavy silk sleeves fall to the floor where Noko could examine them. As she moved around Rin, the girl felt the woman's eyes and her fingers probe more than the silks, and a deep blush spread across her cheeks as Noko then gestured for Rin to sit again. Noko moved to kneel next to Yoshimoto and speak in hushed tones to him.

"Ah!" A fine sheen of sweat appeared on Yoshimoto's brow. "No wonder I didn't recognize it. Fine silk from the mainland. Please forgive my indiscretion." The rumbling began to subside in volume, allowing the humans in the room to relax only slightly.

"So where is this great army that will protect my lands in return for her well-being?" Yoshimoto's tone carried doubt and Rin began to understand, her heart splintering silently in her chest.

"Come," the youkai lord gestured to the open balcony and they rose, Sesshoumaru flicking a claw to tell her she should follow. "I would have my Lieutenant join us." The guard was dispatched to bring Jaken along and Rin was moved to a position on the balcony well away from the two senior men, her heart beating against her ribs. She looked out from the side of the low mountain where the castle perched and saw the rolling hills, orchards and farmlands of three very prosperous villages spread out between the castle's fortifications and the mountains on the next horizon.

Jaken joined their lord and on Sesshoumaru's signal the Staff of the Two Heads belched a red plume of flame, shooting its deadly heat out into the air to scatter a circle of hunting hawks. A visual ripple, experienced like an illusion to the eye, spread across the landscape before them as the bushes, grasses and trees shifted and a multitude of lesser youkai devolved from this movement, blanketing the land as far was the eye could see. All the humans, including Rin, felt their blood run cold.

A barrel-chested creature in armor appeared below them and leapt the three stories easily up to their balcony. He was a powerful wolverine youkai who quickly demonstrated to the humans the length of his claws by extending and retracting them a number of times.

"This is my regional Commander, Kansei," Sesshoumaru's voice was smooth, enjoying taking the upper hand. "He will be my agent in your lands; you will treat him as you would me."

Yoshimoto's face remained impassive as he acknowledged the new youkai by the same curt nod with which he'd greeted Sesshoumaru, a move which slighted both of his guests, but did not surprise them. Although she did not think the youkai saw it, so enjoying their dominant position were they, Rin was aware of a burning hatred seeding itself in the daimyo's heart at that moment.

The party moved quietly back inside and the humans sat back down. Sesshoumaru remained standing with his back to the open landscape and Kansei to his right and back one pace.

"If she is mistreated in any way," he said in a threatening tone, focusing his youkai energy around him until his smooth silver hair swirled in its breeze, "I will hear of it and Kansei will have you pay in blood." Sesshoumaru turned to leave.

"My lord," she couldn't help herself. Her voice and her grief betrayed her and she spoke out of place. "Is that army the price for me? Or am I the price?"

"Yes." He was gone in a whirl of silks and crackling energy that made the hair on her neck stand up. Jaken ran at his heels, only taking time for a sad glance behind.

Rin did not move. Left behind. Left alone.

Sakura petals floated lazily in the air the day Sesshoumaru returned for an extended visit six years later. He was accompanied to the Imagawa court by Jaken and Kansei. Despite Rin's presence and the promise of her dowry, Sesshoumaru credited Kansei with the excellent relations he enjoyed with the Imagawa clan, and the relative peace among the youkai factions as well. The Commander had stealthily removed those among both youkai and human courts that opposed the alliance, and soon the only ones left agreed that the pact was for the best of all. Kansei was also responsible for maintaining order in the unruly youkai ranks, ensuring the honor of Sesshoumaru's word in preventing his troops from slaughtering and abusing the humans under their 'protection.' Humans were weak as individuals, but they had uncanny power when united as that damnable Oda Nobunaga had proven of late, and Sesshoumaru had better things to do than deal with an enraged human territory.

Unfortunately, Kansei had found it necessary to dispatch Yoshimoto himself two years into the alliance, but he had done so only with the permission of Sesshoumaru once the youkai lord had held an audience with the daimyo's logical successor. Satisfying himself that Ii Naomasa would make an even better ally than his clan leader, Sesshoumaru had allowed Yoshimoto's execution, which Kansei expertly conducted by impersonating Nobunaga himself, sneaking into the daimyo's command camp and slitting his throat. The new diamyo, Noamasa, was young but had a reputation as a devious strategist, and his troops were fearsome, adorning themselves in blood red armor and earning the nickname among humans of the _red devils._ Sesshoumaru liked these qualities in the human as they seemed closer to the tactics of a youkai, and they were something he could understand. For the most part, human culture confounded him.

During that brief and very clandestine first meeting with Naomasa, the youkai lord has inquired after Rin and was assured by Kansei that she was well cared for. Now, so much time had passed that he did not give her a second thought as they took their places at the head table for the feast in honor of his first official visit since establishing their alliance. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew she was still well or Kansei would not have allowed relations to remain so jovial at the table.

Sesshoumaru was well into his second bottle of expertly crafted sake when his eyes focused on the stunningly beautiful and familiar young woman performing a traditional dance, wearing the costume of a shirabyoshi entertainer. Her hair, no longer falling free about her shoulders as it once had, was tightly bound up under a black tateboshi hat. Her face, highlighted in white paint and ruby lipcolor, was a refined mask of its former, childish, beauty. She had changed, but he could still see the sunny sparkle of Rin behind this, her new form. He watched her move through the dance, using her traditional samurai clothing and katana as props, expertly making them part of the story her body told as she swirled and shifted about the room. Despite her role as entertainer, he noted with some pride the ease with which she held and flourished the blade, having obviously received training in its use as a weapon. Clearly a delight to the gathered nobility, she completed the dance and moved to begin playing the biwa, in a seat of honor behind Naomasa.

Unlike all the other women in the room, furtively looking away from the youkai, her eyes concentrated on him as she played the instrument to perfection, its deep, mournful notes vibrating the air between them. Sesshoumaru gazed into those eyes as he took another sip of sake and suffered an unfamiliar flush of embarrassment when the smallest drop of the fiery liquid clung to the corner of his mouth and he was forced to lick at it with his tongue. Had she been here the whole time and he hadn't known? How could he not have picked up her scent? The flush stayed on his cheeks, deepening his youkai scars to the darkest shade of plum wine.

Kansei, sitting next to him, allowed himself the risk of commenting on his lord's predicament. "Beautiful, isn't she?" The tone of his voice bespoke of his own appreciation. Sesshoumaru merely cleared his throat and carefully set the delicate sake cup down. Kansei recognized the slightly glassy eyed stare he'd only seen on his lord's face once or twice before.

"How old is she now?" Sesshoumaru inquired.

"She's not sure, but we figure she must be about nineteen or twenty," Kansei was enjoying Sesshoumaru's discomfort greatly but decided not to press his luck with the fearsome creature at his side. "I'm sure you didn't recognize her. Who knew that human females change their scent when they mature?"

Sesshoumaru began parsing the scents in the room, sifting through the steaming plates of fish and roots humans ate and the faint wisps of incense from the priests' purification rituals earlier in the day – probably due to his impending visit - isolating all but the sensual aroma that clung to those slow rhythmic tones she sent from her fingers as they plucked at the strings on the large lute in her lap. Her fragrance was beautiful, a hint of rose water laced in with some kind of fine powder he didn't recognize, and a sweet human scent he'd only detected in the presence of women. The look in her eyes and the scent of her blended in him, threatening to distract him from the conversation he was supposed to be having with Kansei and Naomasa who had reentered the room after a brief departure.

Naomasa sat down casually in his place next to Sesshoumaru and Kansei. Although more slight in build than Yoshimoto, this man moved with a wiry step and seemed always ready to dart away. He noted Sesshoumaru's gaze, and although Naomasa could not pick up the signs of youkai arousal that Kansei could, the daimyo was not inexperienced in the ways of women or their effect on males of any species.

"You haven't seen Rin-san since she was a child, have you Sesshoumaru-sama?" The daimyo let a familiar grin crease his wily face – too familiar.

Kansei growled at him and he let the grin drop.

"I am pleased she is well," Sesshoumaru commented dryly, feeling recovered… almost. "But I am surprised, Naomasa, surprised you would have such a lady in your court providing entertainment, even as an honored shirabyoshi. Does her future husband not protest?" Sesshoumaru set his cup down so that it could be refilled by a passing shirabyoshi of lesser rank. This was, after all, one of the points of conversation he had planned this night. He and Kansei desired to move some troops further south, out of Naomasa's territory. The only unknown factor in the decision remained an understanding of Rin's future marriage and what commitment it would lay on the Lord of the West. Sesshoumaru had frankly expected the girl to be married off well before now and believed he had reserved his troops long enough. Kansei had been unable to learn of the marriage plans from Rin herself and he and his agents were not trusted well enough in human gossip circles to have found out through other means.

"She will not be married," said Naomasa, much to the youkais' surprise.

"Why not?" Kansei stepped seamlessly into his negotiator's role, and though Naomasa could not tell, Sesshoumaru detected his commander's heartbeat increase its tempo in a sign of clear excitement, a fact of which he took note.

"To speak frankly," Naomasa flitted his eyes back to the girl under discussion, "you've done your job too well in this region, Sesshoumaru-sama." Naomasa spoke in a lower voice. "The lesser lords feel secure in my protection, which is assured by your interests here, and they shit in their boots when they think of having to deal with you directly, as they would if they took her for a wife. I would take her myself," he glanced at her again and it was clear he was telling the truth, "but I have another alliance to ensure."

Sesshoumaru felt a strange mix of things pool with the sake in his belly. At first was the small bit of anger that his bargain had been broken, the one he'd carefully calculated to serve all his interests, including knowing that she would have a chance to comfortably fit into a well-off human social unit. There was no greater shame, he thought, than being an outsider without status or place. But then, the pragmatic benefits of the situation occurred to him. She did not suffer, having established an honored place in the daimyo's court. And even more importantly, his obligation to her future house was released and there would be no limitation on his troop movements, neither now nor in the future. He raised the cup to his lips again, a private toast to good fortune.

As the evening wore on and he enjoyed the sight, sounds and smells of her across the room, a rare warmth of satisfaction overcame him. Not only was she beautiful to rest his eyes upon, but watching her move and dance, he enjoyed the living symbol of one of his most productive political arrangements to date. He caught Kansei looking at her at least as often. Watching the unrestrained desire in the wolverine at his side, Sesshoumaru realized that since her value as an instrument of politics was now limited to the current alliance, between himself and Naomasa, Kansei might be thinking of other alliances she could consummate.

When the night came to a close in the tired hours of the morning, Sesshoumaru leaned over the comatose body of Naomasa and said to Kansei in an undertone, "I would have Rin play for me in my private chamber." Kansei nodded. As they rose, he made a decision he'd been debating all night and leaned over to snag his Commander's sleeve, lowering his voice to a low rumble. "Claws off her." Kansei's face might have drooped a bit, but he nodded in understanding and Sesshoumaru was assured of his commander's obedient deference to his superior's wishes. The wolverine may want the girl, but he would not challenge his lord for her. Smoothly, Kansei moved over to speak with Rin as Sesshoumaru melted into the darkened hallways.

Walking through the wide and open walkways between halls, the ancient wooden flooring creaking under his step, Sesshoumaru breathed deeply of the mountain air, letting it clear his head of the music, chatter and drink. The faint chirps of crickets from the lowlands reached his sensitive ears and lulled him, building on his satisfaction. His territory was secure in this Western province, his troops loyal and his belly full.

The servant woman that waited for him in his chambers had her eyes downcast and reeked of fear as he entered.

"Stop trembling!" he said to her roughly as he held his arm out, waiting for her to remove the obi sash on his outer armor. "It makes you smell bad." This had the unfortunate effect of making her more fearful to the point he thought he would gag on her stench. Nauseated, he sent her away, disgusted and not yet undressed. _Human females! What does my clan see in them?_

He moved to open the screen that looked out on his private mountain garden, its carefully shaped foliage and trickling stream calmed his anger and cleared the room of her odor. Before he had decided whether to remove his armor himself or call for another servant, he heard the brush of feet on the mats outside the screened entrance to his chamber.

"Come!" he called, annoyed.

It was Rin, wearing his mother's exquisite kimono, the one he'd dressed her in six years ago when he gave her away. Her hair remained bound, though free of the ceremonial hat, and her face was still smoothed in its makeup mask, her lips cherry red.

"Sesshoumaru-sama." The young woman bowed properly and kept her eyes lowered. This was a different Rin, not like the girl he remembered running freely around him in her youth, and not like the lovely vision playing her music so boldly in the entertainment hall.

"Rin," he said carefully, "will you remove this armor? That fool they gave me was useless. You remember how to do it, I presume?"

She bowed again and rose from her position near the door to approach him. He felt her heart beat as if it were his own, accelerating and rising in his chest. She held her hands out to accept the Tenseiga as he laid it gently across her palms, gliding to the finely polished table where she placed it reverently on a katana stand. As she turned back to him, he lifted his arm and allowed her to approach and stand within his aura, warming it as he warmed hers. Slowly and carefully she removed his large white fleece, unwinding it from his shoulder and untying it from his belt; she released him from the vivid yellow and blue sash, letting the silk slide through her fingers and catching it before it slipped to the floor; next she freed him one-by-one of the buckles, cinches and ties that bound his youkai bone armor tightly to his body.

She moved around him, almost as if she were performing that hypnotic dance he'd watched earlier in the evening, and he was pleased to see that her time with humans had not spoiled her knowledge of how to be in his presence. She still touched his clothing with respect for his dignity and respect for the heritage of the ancient warrior's accoutrements themselves. He also noticed that her body possessed a new elegance she'd never had as a child. Because he couldn't help it, he inhaled that delicate rose scent he'd smelled in the entertainment hall, a scent he now associated with sake and beauty.

She laid his armor aside carefully, and held the shoulders of his white and crimson decorated suikan and kosode as he moved smoothly out of them. Hanging them on the stand, she came back quickly with his more informal yukata. Before she placed it on his shoulders, he saw her eyes take in his strong chest muscles and move to fix on the stump of his arm, the scars many years old by now. Suddenly he remembered when she had been a child and how it had fascinated her, but looking at her now, he saw something more than fascination, he saw sorrow and though he thought to be angry, not wanting her pity, he felt some level of appreciation for her feelings nonetheless. She caught him looking at her and moved quickly to drape the yukata over his shoulders, covering the wound. She then untied his hakama, reaching under the yukata around his waist to unclasp the pants from the tie at his back. Though she was careful not to touch him, he felt the heat of her silk-enclosed arms encircling him and the closeness of her chest, sending a flush through him. She helped him step out of the pants, carefully lowering her eyes. As she tied the yukata's obi at his trim waist, he felt her fingers as they pressed gently into the flesh of his belly through the smooth silk and was shocked to feel the beginnings of desire rise in him. He looked down on her gleaming hair and took in her scent again. It intoxicated him. Although he should not have enjoyed the routine undressing, he had done so, very much.

Next she moved to pour him tea at his small table and then, as he sat down, glided back to take up her instrument, kneeling an appropriate distance from his seat near the window. She had been well trained to entertain noble men.

"Do you wish me to play for you?" she asked in barely a whisper. He nodded. Her fingers took to the strings, and he watched her. And she allowed him to watch her. Her eyes looked directly into his again while she played the lulling music and he was aware of a strange stirring in him, but confused by it. It was not merely desire, which could be excused as a natural reaction to physical touch, but something more. Her eyes drew him in, weaving memory and yearning into the exciting jolt of her touch and the soothing balm of her music and it disconcerted him greatly. Despite what was in fact brewing within him, he should feel nothing in her presence; nothing but satisfaction for a political pawn, well placed. Besides, she was human and young and he'd never found such a female in the least bit interesting. He'd had many youkai mates over the course of his long life, but none had given him this particular stirring. Perhaps it was the bond forged when he'd saved her life so many times when she was young and vulnerable. He'd enjoyed her company then, a refreshing counterpoint to Jaken's incessant prattle. They had been alone, unable to raise an army until Naraku was obliterated. They had been… companions. Maybe it was all these things together he was feeling. She bent her neck to look at the strings beneath her fingers and another, stronger, jolt of desire shot through him as he looked at the supple smooth skin bared to him. He felt it build in his sex and blossom out into his limbs. Had he been alone, he might have squirmed for a moment to release the energy building in him.

A horrible thought came upon him then and he recoiled from it, even as his face remained stolid, listening to the sparse but perfectly played notes. Could it be _because_ she was human that she did this to him? Could this be the 'love' his brother whined about when he grieved his dead mikos? Perhaps, without regard to his great efforts, Sesshoumaru had not escaped his family curse after all. Even as this horrid realization overtook him, he was aware that the stirring was pleasant, and despite outside appearances to the contrary, Sesshoumaru, the Youkai Lord of the West, was not in the habit of denying himself things he found pleasurable.

When her music came to an end, Rin took a moment to tune the strings and he decided he wanted her to speak, to hear her voice.

"Tell me, Rin," her name came to him so easily, "are you content?"

Her fingers did not stop their delicate motions to tighten and pluck the strings, but he heard her heart speed up in her chest.

"Yes, my lord," she said quietly.

"That won't do," he said more sternly than he'd intended. "Tell me of your life."

"It is… as you wished it," her voice remained low, and he detected a quavering emotion in it.

"As I wished it…" He reflected on this. "Yes, it is as I wished it." His next words sounded strange in his ears, "And I owe you thanks for the peace you've made possible in my lands these six years." He thought it odd that he was now giving her credit for what he'd always attributed to Kansei's cunning.

Her eyes lifted to his for the first time since the music stopped. He thought he smelled the salt of tears and saw a glisten around the deep brown of her irises.

"You are sad," he said, uncomprehending. "Do you not appreciate the life I gave you?" His double meaning hung between them and his words shocked her. She placed the instrument aside and quickly positioned her fingertips together on the mat in front of her knees, bowing deeply to him.

"Forgive me, Sesshoumaru-sama! I meant no disrespect," she said, her face to the floor and unreadable to him.

"Then why are you sad?" He allowed some of the confusion and annoyance to seep into his voice. "You have a fine place in a wealthy court. You are beautiful to look at, and you are protected by human and youkai alike." Something occurred to him then, looking at her in the kimono he'd given her six years previously, and he wondered aloud, "do they not supply you with adequate clothing?"

Rin smiled impulsively and raised her hand to cover her mouth as she sat up, careful not to expose her teeth and be considered hopelessly rude. "Yes, they have given me more clothing."

"Good," he said, feeling slightly foolish and wondering if it were she or the absurd situation he found himself in, speaking privately with a human woman that made him feel so… he didn't even know what this feeling was called, it was so unfamiliar to him.

"I have all that I need," she said as she picked up the instrument again. "Perhaps…," her eyes flicked up at him briefly before finding the strings again, "I have missed you."

Her words stunned him, but even more surprising than their intimacy, recognizing a relationship that he'd barely even acknowledged at the time it had truly existed, was the strange happiness they brought to his heart. Some part of him _cared_ that she felt the void of his company.

"Then you are a sentimental fool," the words came out of him naturally, although he wasn't sure if he spoke to her or himself when he uttered them.

"Yes," she agreed quietly and she began to pluck the strings again, playing a sad and sorrowful tune. Her eyes found him again and held him, riveted. The glisten and sharp smell of salt hovered there, pulling at him. He was becoming very uncomfortable; she was making him think of things and feel things.

As the song came to an end, he spoke again. "Naomasa-san tells me that you will not be married. Is that to your liking?"

Rin was silent, and she raised her eyes to look out the open screen doors, into the night sky, twinkling with starlight. "I do not have a preference," she said softly.

"I did try to arrange for you to be married." It was like someone else speaking through him, this entity that wanted to give her an explanation for his actions. He _never_ explained himself, especially to humans!

"I know," she smiled at him and the stirrings sped up. He was too uncomfortable. It was time for her to go.

"Rin," he said. "Leave me now." Silently she bowed and rose. He smelled he sting of salt in her wake, blending with the scent of rose.

The next day as Sesshoumaru rode out of the castle gates with Kansei at his side, Jaken trailing along behind in a very undignified manner – why did he put up with that twit? – his Commander leaned over and asked, "Did Rin's music please you last night, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"No," he said impulsively. "It did not."

He had barely taken in the fact that he'd acted so uncharacteristically as to be _impulsive_ of all things, when he sensed a shift in the powerful youkai next to him, a quickening of excitement, and he turned to catch the wolverine's eye with a menacing dark amber stare. He spoke impulsively once again. "But she is not to be touched. Even more so than before, I make you her protector." Surprised at himself for implying a claim he had no intention of making, he almost reversed his statement, but then decided that being impulsive twice did not excuse it a third time.

As he had anticipated, this news did not sit well with Kansei, who masked a scowl as he bowed his head in acknowledgement. This was not good, this sowing of bad seeds between them. Sesshoumaru left his lands, so peaceful and well managed, feeling very unsettled.

Rin watched the figures grow smaller as they moved further into the distance. She noted the diminutive form of Jaken and some small part of her wished she had been able to speak with him.

She thought on the previous night with mixed feelings.

He had not changed at all. His power, beauty and icy demeanor were exactly as she had remembered them.

He had left her yet again. Left her behind. Left her alone.

No, he had not changed. It was she who had changed.

Ten more years passed, and it felt in the youkai court as ten months did to humans. One autumn day Jaken came rambling into court, huffing and begging to speak with Sesshoumaru privately. Knowing the imp was his most loyal servant, if not his most cunning, the Lord of the Western Youkai allowed him in for a private meeting. He sat, overlooking his personal gardens and idly watching the coi circle the precisely placed stones in the pool beneath his patio, while Jaken stood looking up at him from his tiny height, a tea table between them.

"My lord," Jaken bowed for the hundredth time, "there is news from the spies that Kansei is allowing our youkai troops to plunder village storehouses."

"Do they need the rations?" Sesshoumaru did not like to hear anything negative about his Commanders, Kansei in particular.

"No, lord," the imp's big yellow eyes bulged even more than usual, "They do not take it for their own consumption, merely destroy it and move on." Sesshoumaru was silent, unhappy about everything this affront to his honor could mean.

"Is Naomasa aware that it is Kansei and his troops?"

"The spies do not believe so, lord, but they are not sure." Jaken shuffled his feet a bit, "it is so hard to find reliable human spies who do not get themselves killed with too much regularity."

Sesshoumaru ignored Jaken's lament. "If this is true, it means potential instability in our relations with the Imagawa clan," he mused out loud. Privately, he thought to himself that it portended internal dissention he could ill afford.

"Yes, lord," Jaken intoned seriously in agreement. "Such instability would be bad."

"I do not need your opinion to confirm my own!" Sesshoumaru lashed out verbally at his trusted servant. "Impudent!"

"Yes, lord," Jaken bowed his head, used to the abuse and recognizing it for a twisted form of love, since Sesshoumaru was never so generous in his insults with the remainder of his retinue. Anyone else, he would simply kill for such 'impudence.'

"We will visit Naomasa again." Sesshoumaru pronounced. "We leave tomorrow. Send word ahead to Kansei and Naomasa. We meet in a week's time."

"Yes, lord." Jaken backed out of the room.

On the trip west, as they moved past jewel-colored forests and drying brown fields, Sesshoumaru found himself wondering at Kansei's actions and frustrated with his lack of intelligence on Noamasa. He reviewed the contents of every report, thought through every strategic implication, and concluded that the only reason he could imagine for his Commander's undermining actions might be that the headstrong youkai might actually hold a lasting desire for Rin, and resented his lord's instructions that he not touch her or claim her for his own. How stupidly like a wolverine!

At the thought of Rin, however, he felt that stirring again in his belly, the one he'd worked to put away since his last visit. The one he'd been _successful_ at putting away until this issue had come up. He grumbled to himself, his face remaining placid for the benefit of his traveling companions.

His political mind began to click through options and soon he had lit on a plan. He would make Rin his human spy and she would report to him through Jaken, bypassing Kansei altogether and allowing her to report on both his commander and Naomasa. It was plausible that Jaken, her childhood overseer, would be lonely for her and wish to visit. This would solve two problems for him of having insight into the human court and keeping Kansei on his toes. He was pleased with himself for thinking this up until he met with Kansei and realized the depth of his problem.

While Jaken had requested their meeting outside the castle gates, Kansei's messenger had countered with a request that they come into the great hall, where his commander was conducting a military strategy discussion with Naomasa. This challenge over logistics alone put Sesshoumaru on alert, but his unease was heightened when he saw his subordinate in the flesh.

"Welcome to the West again, my lord," Kansei bowed low, and Sesshoumaru was shocked at the scent of anger that flowed off the wolverine to assault him.

"Thank you, Commander, for continuing such fine stewardship of my Western borders." Sesshoumaru's formality was just that, and the flick of Kansei's ears told the inuyoukai that he knew it as such. They walked together into the entertainment hall and sat at their honored seats. The tension between them was in marked contrast to their last, more jovial, meal in this place.

The evening progressed as expected, Naomasa plied them with excellent sake and the conversation was mild. Naomasa did not bring up the plundered stores and Sesshoumaru began to wonder, not for the first time, at the effectiveness of Jaken's spy network. His eyes continued to rove the room until finally Naomasa asked if Sesshoumaru would like Rin to come out and play for them. Sesshoumaru nodded and caught the glint of anger in Kansei. So he had been right, Kansei was upset over Rin.

As she came forth, and the scent of rose water curled around him, Sesshoumaru felt a flood of memory as he looked upon her, once again wearing his mother's fine kimono with the shimmering water obi. She had changed yet again and, unlike when he had dressed her in it years ago, she now filled the delicate fabric to perfection. Looking to her face without makeup this time, it's beautiful bare color of cream, he was struck once again with her beauty as with the maturity he saw looking back at him briefly through her eyes before she glanced down to her instrument. She had fully developed into her womanly form and moved with even more grace. He was captivated by her movements as she tuned her biwa, turning the routine activity into a dance with her hands, and then catching his eyes as she began to play and refusing to let him go. After a moment, he felt a discomfort in his chest and realized he'd stopped breathing. Self-consciously taking a deep inhale, he glanced to his companions to see if they'd noticed and was struck with the look on Kansei's face as he watched her. He was completely smitten and enraptured.

The full implications of the situation came upon Sesshoumaru at this point. Kansei hadn't just fixed on the girl as a conquest, the damn fool had fallen in love with her. Sesshoumaru had hoped when he had chosen a distant cousin for the position, that he would be getting the strengths of the inuyoukai clan in his most senior field commander; unfortunately, in addition to that inborn ability, he had picked up one of the clan's greatest weaknesses, the cursed infatuation with human women.

As the sake continued to flow and Rin's music wrapped around his senses, Sesshoumaru studiously ignored Kansei's increasing excitement at his side, and his own stirrings as well, which came up out of the darkness with what he assumed was a sake-induced ferocity. Consciously, he focused on continuing to plot his way back to stability in his ranks, understanding now the depth of Kansei's interest in Rin. He still liked the idea of making Rin a spy, but perhaps the best way to counter Kansei's treachery was to buy him off, to give the girl to him in exchange for renewed loyalty.

Then it occurred to him that this must have been his Commander's plan all along, and this thought made him furious, feeling blackmailed and captured in devious entanglements out of his control. As he thought on it longer, it did occur to him that giving the girl to Kansei would be the most expeditious way out of the situation. Kansei enjoyed great loyalty from the troops in this region and if she were his gift rather than Kansei's demand, it would neither be – nor appear to be – blackmail. Although not all his inner voices were satisfied with this approach, some very unhappy he noticed, he had settled on it by the time the evening was through.

"Kansei," he said, leaning once again over the snoring form of Naomasa, "tomorrow, I would see you and Rin together." He leveled a gaze at his Commander which he was careful to calibrate not to be threatening in any way. "We have some realignments to discuss." Kansei's face was wary, but Sesshoumaru felt the anger dissipate somewhat. Good. This was the intent. "Make sure to bring the counter-spy youkai with you," Sesshoumaru continued. "This is to be an extremely private conversation."

Kansei bowed his head in understanding acquiescence and Sesshoumaru felt relief. He rose and walked slowly to his chambers, once again enjoying the crisp night air - only a hint of the earth's small autumn deaths in its scent. Filling his lungs fully, he exhaled the satisfaction of having averted a military insurrection.

When he entered his rooms, he was shocked to see Rin sitting quietly, waiting for him.

"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded, feeling unsettled very suddenly. "Why are you here?" It was all he could do to keep a fluster from his voice and a flush from his cheeks. What was wrong with him?

"Forgive me, Sesshoumaru-sama," Rin bowed deeply. "Naomasa himself commanded me to assist you tonight." He detected a slight note of amusement in her voice. "And all the other women were afraid to come to you."

While their fear did not surprise him, Naomasa's personal involvement in his servant selection did. What was that snake up to? Once again, he reminded himself that the chaotic affairs of humans were merely a distraction, one which he paid Kansei and others handsomely to manage on his behalf. While the suspicions and potential plots wound around in his head, he was disconcertingly aware that her scent was winding around his heart. And it was his heart that insisted on using his mouth just then.

"Well, then," he said, snapping the screen shut behind him and moving into the room, "you may entertain me."

He stood to let her undress him, as she had a decade prior. And as they had those years before, her movements spelled him, mixing in a blend with the stirrings he'd felt yet again, fresh and alive even after so many years lain dormant. But unlike before, her grace and the quiet rustle of her silks brushing against his; her scent and the increased speed of her heartbeat as she removed his clothing; her touch and the heat of her skin which came to him through the thin silk of his undergarments; all these things were different. She was no longer a child or even a young woman, and yet she moved with the same innocence and reverence around him that she had when she had been a child.

Suddenly and impulsively, he felt the great desire to lower his head to hers and take her lips… but he caught himself as his head began to bend towards her and his mind intervened with unwelcome but necessary thoughts. _You have a plan to use her, don't ruin it. It's a trap and she's the bait. _This last thought bothered him. Could she be part of Kansei's plot? Maybe it wasn't she his commander wanted at all, or maybe he already had her and he was really after something more precious? Could she be colluding with the wolverine to blackmail him for wealth or land? He thought he must try to understand the depth of his Commander's treachery before executing his plan on the 'morrow. Taking a deep breath, he moved away as she finished tying his yukata's obi, removing her warm fingers from between the sash and fabric lying over his skin. He sat and she poured him tea.

"Will you take tea with me, Rin?" these were not the words he had planned, but it occurred to him once they were out of his mouth that he must put her at ease so that he could determine the truth of the situation. "Sit." She obeyed his command. Studying her perfect features, eyes still downcast, he felt he should get right to the point. "You are still unmarried."

"Yes."

He could not read her face. Perhaps she was as indifferent as she'd claimed before. "There must be many here who would seek your hand, either as wife or mistress?" He watched her reaction carefully.

"Perhaps."

He detected no deceit yet, only that familiar sadness, which infuriated him. Time for him to know. "I think even Kansei would be honored to have you." He watched her very carefully, knowing both her life and Kansei's rested on her reaction.

"Really?" She was truly surprised, which was good. He watched as her features took on a puzzled look and he sensed a slight scent of fear from her, apparently thinking on the match for the first time, which was also good.

"Would you wish such?" He probed further, his political mind calculating as his heart stirred with something yet again unfamiliar, something he recognized from observing his undisciplined brother, of all people. Sesshoumaru was confounded to realize he was feeling jealousy and the desperate hope that she did not want Kansei. Her face continued to show nothing but surprise and then betrayed her fear more openly. Clearly, she did not know how he wished her to respond, but just as clearly, she did not relish the idea of a match with the wolverine. _Who can blame her?_ His inner voice was becoming bold.

"No, you would not," he answered his own question and his heart soared to see the relief on her face and to feel her heart slow at his words. No, she did not seek a union with Kansei and had not betrayed her lord. A multitude of unruly feelings swept him then, including gratitude for her loyalty, but also joy. He frowned openly, an expression he was only given to in private. Joy? Perhaps unwisely, he probed deeper and discovered his own happiness that in not choosing Kansei, or any other man, she might be… his.

He raised the tea cup to his lips and was horrified to feel the slightest tremor in them. Her eyes were lowered but he felt the need for a few moments to collect himself nonetheless.

"Play, Rin," he commanded.

As the notes from her instrument began to float through the space of the room, drifting out into the night on slow, soft currents and blowing gently back with the breeze to encircle him, he began a war with himself, having lost the first battle to quiet his inner voices.

_You cannot afford to think these things. You have a plan to buy him, execute it! Her feelings do not matter. They never have. _He recognized the voice of his mind.

_What good is a spy forced into a relationship she fears? _His heart's voice was softer, more cunning. _How can you trust her then?_

_What good is a commander angry and fueled with reason to betray? _

_His blackmail is a betrayal already. If you give in to it now, it will encourage him to do it again, and set others against you in the same fashion._

_You have no real choice; you must put Kansei in a position where further betrayal is impossible._

_You do have another choice. One that will punish Kansei… one that even he cannot challenge… one that she is leaving open for you… one that you want._

His earlier plan crumbled, replaced by a new one. One in which he asserted his control of the situation, and gave Kansei no choice but to accede or defy him openly so that the commander's execution would serve to strengthen Sesshoumaru's rule even more in the eyes of the youkai who mattered.

Her music stopped, the last note hanging between them and then floating out into the darkness.

"Come with me, Rin," Sesshoumaru stood and felt his heart beat strongly in his chest, answered by hers. He moved to execute a new plan, but felt as though he was instead instructed by a dream, compelled like a hard bit of snow tumbling before a gigantic avalanche, driven and pulled down by forces beyond his control or comprehension. He moved out on to the balcony over the garden, where they would be visible to Kansei's spies, and he had some hope that the night air might clear his head. She stepped lightly behind him and he turned, opening his arm to indicate she should step to the rail next to him.

"Do you remember the day you gave me away?" she asked unexpectedly, looking out over the sleeping land below.

"Yes." Of course he remembered. "It was the day I began to reclaim my father's lands."

"The hills became alive with youkai and I was afraid," her voice was a whisper. "And then I was angry that I was nothing but a pawn in your plan." He looked at her with surprise that she had bothered to think anything else could be the case. "And then I was sad, thinking that you had thrown me away. Left me alone." His mind was disgusted with these shameless admissions of hers, but his heart was stirring, responding to the honesty and sadness in her. He felt her take a deep breath and turn, as if making a decision. She looked directly into his eyes, so different than his own.

"And then I decided that since all I wanted was to serve, I would be happy to serve in this way, as a pawn." His heart burst with disconcerting joy at these words and howled in cunning victory over his mind. _She is mine!_ From that point on, his heart was allowed to rule without question.

"Rin." He turned towards her and looked down into her perfectly sculpted eyes that brimmed with such open emotion, such desire, that they called something similar out in him. He felt that yearning from earlier in the evening, the call to take her lips and this time he allowed it to move him, feeling the fall of his silver hair slipping off the silk on his shoulder as he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. They were warm and soft. He felt her respond against him, melting into him, pulling him to her, and he became lost.

His arousal was instantaneous, the smell and feel of her igniting everything in him at once. He crushed her slight form to his chest, not hard enough to harm her, but hard enough to claim her. Once he was sure that the claim had been made and would not be challenged, he impatiently picked her up with his one arm and carried her inside. Laying her down on the bedding, he heard her sob and saw tears on her face. For a brief second, he saw the small child he had brought back from the shadowlands of death so long ago, tears on her face as he cradled her. But she was no longer a child and his body responded to the voluptuous curves and sensuous movements of the woman she had become. Just as he had not bothered then, he did not bother now with the reason behind her tears but came to her mouth again, pushing his way inside, hungering as she opened herself to him, inviting him in and responding ardently to his demands for entry.

Nagging thoughts of family weakness, foolishness and vulnerability washed away in the surges of desire and fulfillment that overcame him, flooding him helplessly again and again as he pushed himself into her and felt her shudder against him. All the power he held, all the forces he commanded, all that he risked - it was all worth this. Even though he hated it violently, and let some of that violence come into his actions at the peak of his joy, he finally understood his father, and even his bastard brother. Finally, their obsessions made sense to him and finally, he understood what they had understood always. He understood what was truly important for him to protect.

As he wrapped himself around her small form, breathing quietly in time with her heartbeat, he allowed the peace and darkness inside and outside to take him into contented sleep.

As the dawning sun broke the mountain, Naomasa paced the hallway outside Sesshoumaru's chamber with his personal guard standing close at hand. Why had the servant not been called? The damned youkai always woke before dawn and if the girl had been successful, why was she still inside? That bastard, Kansei, would be here soon and things would get complicated quickly, no matter what had happened behind those screens.

His patience finally frayed beyond tolerance, the diamyo stepped to the door and flung it open to snap against its frame. He placed one foot inside before stopping, frozen at the scene before him.

There was the demon's head, neatly severed as the girl had said it must be in order for him not to recover and kill them all. The monster's thick blood had soaked so thoroughly into the tightly-woven grass matting that it gave way with a squelching noise beneath Naomasa's foot. But the girl herself…

The monster's headless corpse lay on its side, as if he had still been asleep when she brought her sword down with enough force to rip the mat beneath him. Next to his body, entangled in the bloody tendrils of his hair and silks, she lay, rigid in the stillness of death. She held the demon's hand to her exposed chest, his claws stained crimson from the deep gashes she had carved into her pale skin. Although the punctures were clearly made after the murder and were not deep enough to have done her mortal damage, Naomasa realized the rumors of his poison must be true, for she was clearly dead, as surely as if he had carved her heart out of her body and thrown it away.

Naomasa responded to the horror and shock of the situation with an uncharacteristic pang of sympathy for the girl. Cast aside by the monster that raised her to adore him, he had understood her motivations for becoming a loyal pawn in the fight to free his clan from the demon's rule. But looking at her face, tear stains trailing from her staring eyes, it came to him - the poor girl had been in love with the damn demon, right to the end.

Their cremation was a cause for celebration, clansmen from all over the region coming to pay their respects to the brave shirabyoshi who's body lay high on the funereal bier and who's ashes were later preserved in the clan shrine, accorded a place of highest honor. The demon's body, incinerated in the embers themselves, were scattered into the river and sent off to the sea, banishing the curse of his rule from their lands forever.

Despite the stories of the demon ravishing the noble lady that fueled his men into vanquishing Kansei and the youkai hoards that arose at news of their lord's death; despite the legends that passed down through time of the elegant shirabyoshi who executed the demon lord in his sleep to save herself from a life of shame and her people from further slavery; despite the magic that drained from the land with the passing of the most powerful of demon lords; despite all these things that flowed from that day, Naomasa took to his grave only the death-mask image of the tragic woman who chose to serve her love in the shadowlands beyond life, rather than live with her betrayal as she walked the shadowlands of this word, without him, alone.

_The End_

_Author's Endnotes:_

_I swear I did not set out to write such a tragic story. I expect many flames for this cringes, but is ready. However, my goal was to try to get inside Sesshoumaru's head and try to understand the circumstances in which he would allow himself to be enticed into loving Rin. Although I enjoy reading them occasionally, I do not find a Sess/Rin pairing very plausible if we keep Sesshoumaru in canon character. He is an aristocratic youkai and I find it hard to believe he's motivated by what we understand as simple human compassion and desire. As I developed his perspective, the perspectives of the humans caught up and entangled in his web also came into focus and it occurred to me that Rin would be torn in her loyalties. Believing as I do that when humans are motivated to free themselves from tyranny, they will find a way, the story began to write itself and I gave myself to it. Thus, it is what it is, even though it is not what I planned to write._

_HUGE thanks for Fenikkusuken for doing a beta read of this, giving me some cool ideas and encouraging me not to soften the story line for the feint of heart. Thanks also to a bunch of my LJ friends and a fan for helping ply with historical information and perspective on feudal Japanese women's traditions and roles._

_Historical Perspective:_

_Characters of **Naomasa** and **Yoshimoto** are based on true historical figures in the early years of the Tokugawa Shogunate as it came to power in the latter half of the 1500's.The Imagawa clan did control the territories around the Tokaido road which gave them power in Tokugawa's rise. Yoshimoto in particular was described as having ascended to power through strategic alliances with other clans. In fact, there was probably a ruler in between Yoshimoto's regime and Naomasa's rise to power, since Naomasa was still a child when Yoshimoto was killed in 1560. Also, while I'm fairly sure that Yoshimoto was a daimyo, Naomasa is described as a General in Tokugawa's army, one of his "better ones." And Noamasa's army did wear stunning red armor with huge white horns on it would would have looked like a swarm of "red devils" on the battlefield. Check out a picture of it on wikipedia under "Ii Naomasa" if you're interested._

_Oda Nobunaga – this powerful figure was referred to in the Manga and Anime when Kagome mistook another character named Nobunaga for the despot daimyo who successfully united several warring clans in the Sengoku Jidai period. The real Nobunaga was quite a devious guy and was the one that, when he could only raise an army of 5,000 to confront Yoshimoto's army of 20.000, ostensibly rode out to a shrine to pray and ended up sneaking into Yoshimoto's camp and killing him. This was called the Battle of Okehazama. I made convenient use of this in the story, but I'm guessing it was really Oda Nobunaga that did the killing, not some wolverine youkai in disguise. Nobunaga is given credit in history for uniting several warring clans and in that sense brought some semblance of peace to the region (though in a rather bloody way from what I can tell)._

_Along those lines, based on what I read, the "peace" I wrote about in Sesshoumaru's lands would only have been visible to the youkai lord, for whom human affairs were irrelevant. The violent dramas and tragedies of the many battles and conflicts during that time would have been heartwrenching for the humans living around him. _

_The **Shirabyoshi** also have an interesting history as the female entertainers that preceded the geisha. Beginning in the 7th century, some women who found themselves husbandless due to war and poverty began to find employment as entertainers – ranging from prostitutes to courtesans who excelled at poetry, storytelling, dance and music. By the 13th century, this elite class of women was called the shirabyoshi. They performed in a unique style of dress that – interestingly enough – is exactly what Kikyou wears in the IY series (except that they also wore a priest's hat, much like Jaken's). Their clothing, red hakama and white suikan and kosode, was very specifically "male" clothing, which (although I didn't read this anywhere) probably bespoke of their special place in society, similar to Geisha. They also wore, as a part of this costume, a katana (sword). One history of the Shirabyoshi I read indicated that they were trained in how to use the sword for violent purposes, a fact I made use of in the story. Much like the Geisha, while some Shirabyoshi were concubines to powerful men, this was more a position of honor than of duty and being a Shirabyoshi did not necessarily mean being a prostitute or sexual entertainer. _


	5. The Gift of Letting Go

_**A/N: **The recent manga arc that ended with chapter 465, left me wanting more of a final resolution between InuYasha, Kagome and Kikyou… so I had to go and write it myself. I love Rumiko, but sometimes, she's just a tad too sparse with the dialogue. (Whereas I do not seem to have this problem!) In deference to readers who prefer a more explicit version, I've written an alternate ending, rated NC-17, which can be found at: h tt p//ww w. mediaminer. or g/f anfi c/v iewc h. php/126529/441 069/ (w/o spaces – and which almost doubles the length of the fic!. _

_**Acknowledgement: **Tremendous thanks to Fenikkusuken for her beautiful editing job and ongoing encouragement. She's a privilege to work with and to call friend._

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own or profit from Inu & co. Rumiko Takahashi gets all the credit for them. It is my poem, though._

_**Warning**: Major spoiler from chapter 465 (character death in manga)._

_**The Gift of Letting Go**_

_The night I let her go_

_was not the night she left._

_Paralyzed against a familiar prison_

_the hollow wound in my heart had to open_

_one last time, had to bleed itself out._

_What fortune I received_

_Was not what I deserved._

_My final release came in the claim of_

_she who remained to fill the void,_

_soothing me, moving me with her love._

_The warm sun that rose when she lay in my arms_

_Was not the cool moon that found me alone._

_Warm and safe, absent the emptiness,_

_a life within me returned to_

_wrap itself in her, the gift of letting go._

**The Gift of Letting Go**

Kikyou had been dead for five days. I found myself sitting often, my mind blank. And as I sat, my body limp, my mind drifting, I could feel her slight frame in my arms again – slipping, finally, from the edge of death.

We'd had a goodbye, but so much had remained unsaid in the end.

The six of us left the place she'd died, marching towards the swirling youki that beckoned us in the sky; we walked because I knew that there was nothing we could do to help Sesshoumaru until the sky opened again. I'm not sure how I knew, but I did.

Our journey weighed heavily on me and I could not find any lightness in my step. As we walked I battled a constant anxiety, wanting to run after Naraku, but with little clue as to where we should look. My desire to destroy him was as strong as ever in the wake of Kikyou's passing, the dream of vanquishing him still pulling me, fueled by new anger; but my enthusiasm had waned, knowing Kikyou would not be there to share the victory, knowing that she would never have the final resolution of our betrayal to take with her into the shadowlands. For the first time, our goal seemed like a job – something we just needed to get over and done with so that we could move on… to something.

I was tired and the slow pace gave me time to reflect, whether I wanted to or not. After a few days of puzzling over why I was so lethargic, I realized that I felt a little dead inside; and the more I thought about it, the more I understood that I'd felt this way ever since Kagome woke me on that tree. Since that day, nothing but anger, duty and revenge had filled me, taking the place of any other desire. And now that the duty and lust for revenge were tempered, there was little left behind. Little to need. Little to want.

On the journey I noticed changes in my routine with Kagome, in how we traveled together, sat together and spoke. Over the course of our travels we'd become inseparable, and I had found myself enjoying carrying her from place to place and simply being in her company. Her small touches, while riding on my back or merely passing me a cup of food, had become part of my daily joys, and there were so few joys in my life since awaking on the tree that these small encounters with Kagome had begun to take on some importance. Sometimes the touches sparked other feelings in me too, new feelings I'd never experienced before, and I had begun to suspect that my interest in her went deeper than a few happy moments. But somehow, between chasing down Naraku and the continual irritation she had over Kikyou's rebirth, nothing much was said on these things. I had been content during our adventure to know that we both supported each other, as partners in our quest. Neither one of us questioned this commitment. But we never really spoke of our growing bond either, and when we did, the first subject to come up was always Kikyou and what she meant to me. I never had adequate words to express my feelings to Kagome's satisfaction – or to my own – and so, like with most things, the words remained unsaid.

But since Kikyou's, death something had changed. Whether it was within us or between us, or both, I wasn't sure. I wasn't really even aware of the shift at first. Outwardly, things went on much as they always had. I was still gruff and she was still sweet. But by the third day it had become apparent to both of us that we hadn't spoken of Kikyou at all. For the first time since that horrible day Kikyou had been resurrected, there was nothing between Kagome and I, nothing to stop us from saying words that suddenly felt as though they needed to be said… nothing except the words themselves. And as the hours wore on and the shock wore off, I noticed that the words desperately wanted to come out… just as desperately as I wanted them to stay in. The struggle to ignore the boiling mass of words in me became distracting and before I knew it, I was snapping at everyone for no reason at all.

Kagome, too, seemed less herself. Miroku had explained that she felt guilty about being unable to save Kikyou's 'life' with her arrow. Somehow, I didn't feel like that had been her failure, but I hadn't told her this. I hadn't told her anything, barely saying a word that I didn't have to utter to just get through each day. Sometimes I caught her looking at me as though she didn't know who I was, and maybe she didn't. Maybe I'd changed. I really didn't know, and this growing silence between us only contributed to my bad temper. I'm sure the others noticed, but nobody said anything. All the unspoken words became so present that I felt like they drifted along side us through the forest, Sometimes I even thought I saw them, floating between us and carrying the dead pieces of my soul, like Kikyou's _shinidamachu_ used to do to for her, preventing her body from giving up on its semblance of life.

On the fourth day, we'd come close to Kaede's village and Kagome had asked if she could go back home to restock supplies and get her school assignments. I grumbled a lot, but I was so distracted with the jumble of things inside me that I didn't put up much of a fight.

That night, we slept in Kaede's hut. The evening had been uncomfortable for me, being back in the village. Memories seemed to haunt me from the shadows, and when the fire died down and it was time to sleep, I had the oddest desire to lie down next to Kagome. I didn't understand it until later, but it was as though a sadness called us to comfort one another. I resisted the urge, and somehow I felt her disappointment. I did take up my usual position against the wall a bit closer to her than I would have normally. I don't know if it meant anything to her, but it did comfort me. Just not enough.

That night I dreamed. I don't dream often, and when I do it's either sinfully pleasant or horribly chilling. This night was the terrible kind, and as I fell into its depths a growl of fear and anger ripped from my throat in the dream, just as it had more than fifty years ago when I first comprehended Kikyou's 'betrayal'. There were the flames, there was the piercing pain of the arrow tip as the shaft buried itself in my still-beating heart, there was Kikyou's face. But the true terror came from the oppressive weight of guilt and sorrow that I felt when I looked in her eyes as she approached. Unlike the day she'd pinned me for real, now I knew all the things that had gone wrong, and I understood my own stupidity. If only I hadn't gone after the jewel… The betrayal in her eyes as she came towards me meant so much more now, now that she was gone forever. As I watched her body fall to the ground, her blood draining into the soil at my feet, I began to succumb once again to the spell and woke in a cold sweat, shaking from more than the cool night air that breezed in the window.

I made myself wake up completely to banish the vision of her eyes, and when I focused on the shadows playing throughout the room, resting on the sleeping forms of my friends, I was acutely aware of her absence. Kagome was gone. My normal protective concern spiked with panic this night. Even as I sprang out the door, I recognized that my reaction was probably irrational since she most likely had just gone outside to relieve herself. But then the panic coursed through me fully when I smelled her scent trail off into the forest. Following it, I felt a cold weight on my heart as I recognized the path to the well. _Kagome? Did you leave me?_

As I broke through the trees into the clearing, I breathed a shallow sigh of relief. She was still here, sitting against the well, her head on her knees.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" The edge in my voice relieved a little of my anger and covered up some of my fear. "Who knows what you could have run into?"

"I'm sorry, InuYasha." She didn't lift her head and I heard a sniff just as I smelled the salt of her tears. She'd been crying. "I couldn't sleep. I've been having dreams…"

I stood above her, unsure what to do. I felt words boiling in my heart, wanting to come out, wanting to spill out of me in a flood and I clamped my mouth shut against the tide.

I heard a few more sniffs and knelt by her. I didn't trust my mouth, so I just put my hand on her head, smoothing her soft hair. The touch released something into the cauldron of unspoken words and the feelings they simmered in. A strong desire to hold her overcame me, to give comfort and to receive it in return. Her hand rose and covered mine. I froze, so wanting to move into the embrace of her warm hand, so afraid of what might happen if I did. Everything felt unsure to me, my feelings, hers… and Kikyou. What would Kikyou have wanted? I knew that shouldn't matter anymore, but it did. It mattered very much, and that was the source of so many of the words pushing up into my throat. I kept my mouth shut and my hand still.

Maybe Kagome understood my hesitation or maybe she was too upset herself, but after a moment she lifted her head and I felt a little stab of pain when I saw a little trail of tears glistening in the moonlight.

"InuYasha," she took a deep breath, "I'm going home, but I'll come back tomorrow night. I need to tell you something. Will you meet me at the Go-Shinboku tree when the moon reaches the top of its branches?"

_Tell me something? _I froze again, afraid to let her go… but she'd promised to return.

"Okay." My voice expressed none of the emotion that I felt inside. It was a weak word that came out, a meaningless word. The meaningful words were still trapped. She rose and held my hand briefly as it fell from her shoulder. And then she was gone.

The next day was miserable. I hadn't slept much after Kagome left, and without her around I found myself even crankier than usual. Miroku seemed to understand my foul mood and steered everyone away from me. After doing a few chores for Kaede and hunting up dinner, I sat outside the hut and watched the youki continue to swirl in the sky. I knew we needed to go there, but I also knew that there was nothing I could do to help my brother right now, and I was hardly in the mood to – not that I ever was.

Night came and I slept briefly when the others had lain down, but I was up before the full moon was high in the sky and took off to the Go-shinboku. It had rained earlier in the day and the forest was alive with the smells of wood and water. The fresh scents heightened my discontent; I felt like the only dull thing in a world come alive under the bright light of the moon.

I reached the tree before she did. There was no smell or feel of her. I wasn't happy about this because it meant I was alone with the tree, the living symbol of my life, its heartache and its pain. I'd died here at Kikyou's hand, and here was where Kagome had revived me. Yet, every time I visited the tree, I felt that it kept a part of me deep within it, and that I wouldn't be fully alive again until I'd reclaimed it. Climbing to place a hand against its rough bark near the puncture mark of her arrow, the words began to stir again, as though responding to the tree, reaching out to the part of me that was still dead. With a crushing wave of sadness, I understood that the words in my heart wanted to come out into the moonlight – that they wanted to live again.

"Inuyasha!" _Her voice!_

I whipped around, and the disorientation at hearing her voice became caught up in the dim vision of her dusky red _hakama_ and snow white _suikan_. It was Kikyou and her bow was strung tight as she sighted down the shaft of a glowing arrow, beginning to play out this old nightmare from which I never seemed to escape. _No…_

The arrows came so fast that I was pinned to the tree before I knew it. Opening my eyes I noted that they had not penetrated my flesh. Her expert marksmanship had managed to secure me fast to the tree through my _suikan_ sleeves and _hakama_. I instinctively struggled to wrench the cloth away and free myself, but the arrows were spelled and I couldn't move. I was trapped, which was familiar, but now a new emotion entered the nightmare I kept being forced to live through – anger.

"Kikyou! What the hell are you doing?" _How can you still be here?_

She said nothing, but dropped her bow and moved towards me, into the moonlight. I couldn't stop a gasp from passing my lips as her scent moved ahead of her to envelope me in more confusion. It was Kagome that had stepped from the shadows.

"Kagome? What-" the words stopped, stuck in my throat.

Remaining silent, she stepped up on the root, climbing to me. I shook my head, hoping this was just another nightmare, but the vision of her did not dissolve with the cold sweat that broke on my skin. _It's really you.._. _Why? _She climbed to stand just below me, her hands lightly grasping my _hakama_ to steady herself, and suddenly a rush of images and feelings came back to me as I looked at her body clothed as Kikyou. Even her hair was arranged the same way. Anger still simmered within me, but it was tempered by the shock of Kagome before me, in Kikyou's image.

"I don't understand…" in the mix of words unsaid, there were now so many more questions.

"InuYasha," there was sorrow in her voice so thick that it stabbed me where the arrow should have. "Kikyou is here with us-" she swallowed, "she needs to leave, but she can't. Not yet."

"Why not?" Pain and anger mixed within me until they were the same emotion.

"I don't know." A tear fell on her cheek and my hand couldn't reach it. "She needs to talk, and to say goodbye. She needs-" Another tear fell and I wondered if it was Kagome's or Kikyou's sadness I saw.

"But we said goodbye already," I heard the tone of a small whine in my voice, like that of a confused and frightened child, and I swallowed it hard.

"Not all three of us," Kagome's eyes were sad, as though she carried the weight of all our pain in her. "Not alive."

"Kagome-" I tried to deepen my voice from the constriction in my throat that worked to thin it and block it. "Is she hurting you?" She shook her head a little bit, but her face still looked drawn and unhappy.

"For all of us, InuYasha," more tears spilled down her face, "please see Kikyou in me tonight."

I felt dizzy, caught in some strange distortion of the most horrible events of my life, unable to come out of the waking nightmare. But when I looked into her eyes, I did see. It was Kikyou staring back at me, her tears glistening in the moonlight now. And the words, the words in me wanted to reach her.

"Kikyou," I heard the softness in my voice and felt a surge of indignant anger inside, hating myself for betraying Kagome to her face. But it was Kikyou who looked back at me, who looked soothed by the sound of her name from my lips. "Kikyou, why are you doing this?

"I thought I could leave" She moved closer, pulling herself to me until the fabric of our clothes brushed against each other. "I thought when you came to let me die in your arms… I thought it was enough." Another tear. "But I can't leave. Part of me must stay here with Kagome, the part of me that was always her. But she cannot have peace until you and I have said goodbye."

I began to understand and a horror overcame me. Was I now a danger to Kagome? Would she be unable to live in peace as long as I was near?

"Kikyou," I had an edge of anger in my voice now, "that's not fair. You must give Kagome peace."

"I will," she pressed her body against me, "we both will." Unable to move my arms and legs, I felt her warmth push into me and I pulled my head back, trying to get away, as her lips met mine. But there was nowhere for me to go, no escape.

I'd only ever kissed one woman, and that was Kikyou, but both times her body had been lifeless, cold and surrounded by the stale smell of death. Those kisses had been gestures, echoes of a long dead desire, and my body had been unable to respond to them. But this was different. Kagome was very much alive, soft and warm, her lips full of life and moisture that called to mine, begging me to open to her, pleading with me to kiss back. Even as my body did begin to respond, I couldn't put the indignation aside.

"Kagome," I said as she pulled back a bit, "what do _you_ want?" I looked in her eyes and saw a shift that felt like Kagome coming forth. I found it very unnerving, but I was also glad to see her looking back at me.

"Only what I've ever wanted, InuYasha." Another tear.

She rose up again and her lips came to mine with more urgency. Still confused, I didn't pull away, and as her hands slipped into my hair and wrapped around my neck I had the strangest sensation that I was kissing them both. With this thought, a surge of long-restrained desire flooded me and I began to press into her, notice the brush of her nose against my cheek, the fullness of her lips as they parted against me and the beat of her heart as it sped up against my own. An unfamiliar flush of warmth spread through me and I found myself parting my lips, offering to share myself with her and pressing in to accept the invitation of her tongue touching my own.

When I opened my eyes enough to see the image of her white _suikan_ and loosely bound hair, a new surge of energy burst into me. Suddenly, my desire from fifty years ago was back, fresh and alive, as though the tree had released a little bit of my life back to me at that moment. I _wanted_ her, I wanted her so much that all my power seemed a trivial sacrifice and I was prepared to give it all up just to be with her. I groaned aloud with the effort to reach her, reach into her and be in her. I began to fight the restraints of the arrows, but the spell held fast and even my strength would not loosen them. Just like it was then, I couldn't reach her now.

She pulled away and it was Kikyou looking at me, but it was Kagome's lips that glittered wet in the shaded light.

"InuYasha," she said, "I wanted so much to do that when I was alive. I wanted a simple life with nothing more than your kisses…" Kikyou's tears leaked from Kagome's eyes, bringing a lump into my throat. "You said you wanted to live with me, as ordinary humans; you said you loved me; but tell me, did you want it too? The kisses?"

The fear that Kagome might be hurt by the words tumbling into my mouth was very clear in my mind, but I couldn't help it. Kikyou's voice speaking her question was like a key unlocking the door behind which all the words jumbled.

"Kikyou…" I blinked and felt a tear form, "yes. Yes. I did want that. I wanted it so badly…" The words paused for a moment and I leaned to kiss her again, tasting the salt of our tears blend between us. She broke away and I hung my head, feeling more words trying to get out, slamming into a new barrier. As though she understood, I felt her hand slide from the back of my neck to cup my cheek and lift my chin, forcing my eyes to find hers.

"And do you still want it?" I couldn't tell whether it was Kikyou or Kagome asking me that question and for a moment time stood still and I couldn't breathe. The words insisted on spilling forth, called to answer the important question that would decide so much that I didn't understand.

"I-" I had to clear my throat to let the words pass, "No." I shook my head and tried to let it drop again, but her hand wouldn't let me look away. Kikyou's eyes bored into mine and the confession flowed out of me with my tears, "I'm so sorry, Kikyou. I don't want that anymore. I don't want to become human. I want more than kisses, and-" my eyes grew wide as I recognized the next words as a truth I'd been keeping even from myself, kept hidden behind the fact that Kikyou was no longer alive, "and I don't…" I couldn't say it.

"InuYasha," her voice was soft and understanding, "there is nothing you can say that will hurt me anymore. Please tell us." I saw in her eyes that she meant it, and that her request was for my benefit, to help me understand this truth I'd kept secret from myself. I took a breath to steady my heart.

The words were right there, ready to be said. "I don't want to spend my life with you anymore, Kikyou." The fact that I couldn't have spent my life with her even if I'd wanted to was irrelevant to the emotions coursing through me. I suddenly became aware that until this moment, some part of me had clung to the hope and the possibility – no matter how remote – that Kikyou and I could still have built a life together – with the help of the jewel or in hell, I don't know; I just knew that some part of me hadn't given up on that old dream. But the rest of me had moved on, accepted new responsibilities and grown into new desires, most of which I didn't even understand. I felt my mouth turn down in grief, but it was a grief that went beyond the woman who looked at me through another's eyes. It was a grief for all that we had once wanted, once planned and once committed ourselves to. The grief was like a hole in my chest, spreading from the long-healed wound she'd put in my heart, threatening to consume me. The words were gone for the moment, replaced by an aching need to let new sounds escape; whimpers, cries and howls lurked in my throat now, pushed from behind by the growing darkness of an endless wound.

Slowly, she let my chin go and encircled me with her arms, leaning her head to my chest, as though she would fill the void growing there. But she couldn't fill it. As Kikyou used Kagome's arms to hold me, I felt the aloneness I'd always felt with her. We had been drawn to each other because we understood each other's loneliness… but we'd never been able to fill the space within the other. We had been alone, together.

I heard her sob against me and a barrier came down as the grief poured out of me. I dropped my face into her dark hair and let the tears flow into it, relaxing my body against the bonds holding me, crying silently with her for all that was no longer there to lose.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, her arms around me and my cheek resting against her hair. It seemed like forever, but I'm sure it was only a few minutes. When she finally pulled away to look up at me again, I felt exhausted and hollow, still alone, hanging on the tree.

"Kikyou?" I looked onto the moonlight playing in her eyes and tried to understand who I saw looking back.

"I will go now," her voice was sad, but there was a finality to it, a weariness. "InuYasha," she moved in until I felt her breath on my chin and tilted to it. "Whatever life you choose, you have my blessing." Her lips met mine again, but this kiss did not have the passion in it from before. It was equally soft, but the light pressure of her lips, the fact that they did not part – these things bespoke of a pulling away rather than coming together. It was like the first kiss with Kikyou, lifeless and sad. I had no more tears, so I let our lips touch until we were done.

As she pulled away again, I looked down on her face to see Kagome staring back at me. It was definitely her, the shift in her mood as clear as a cloud revealing the sun. She looked a little confused, but not hurt.

"Kagome, are you okay?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yes," she looked into my eyes, as though searching for something, "she's gone, except for a little part of her that was always mine." I saw a tear fall again, this one clearly hers. "She thanked me." She blinked back more tears and opened her mouth to say more but didn't. Instead she just leaned into me, holding me and crying a single, simple sob against my chest, a sound that broke my heart with a sorrow I shared. I felt it; Kikyou was truly gone now and I was alone, together, with Kagome.

She felt soft against me and I wanted to hold her so that we could comfort each other, but I still couldn't move against the arrows, couldn't reach her. Looking down on her head below my chin, I needed to touch her, and suddenly the arrows' restraints became an unbearable barrier, walling me off, holding me back. The arrows, along with the sorrow and frustration combined to tap into a new well of anger inside me then, a fury against the arrows pinning me and this damnable tree that still held hostage a piece of my soul. Before I knew it the anger came out of me with an animalistic growl that sounded demonic even to my ears. My body made a groaning effort to break free, unintentionally pushing Kagome away as she leaned against me.

She moved back and looked skittish suddenly, the deep rumble of my roar against her ear having frightened her. Seeing her unease, I began to worry that she had misunderstood my anger, and maybe even what had happened between us before Kikyou had left.

"InuYasha..." her eyes would not meet mine and she looked at the arrows holding me fast, "I know you're angry that Kikyou's gone…" _No, that's not it. _I could tell that she was trying to decide whether to release me or not. The fear in her eyes was like another arrow piercing my chest, another wound to carry within me. I felt desperate to tell her – _what_? I had to remind myself that this wasn't about what I wanted, but about my duty, to Kikyou – and to her. Suddenly, there were no words. _No words…_

She continued to look uncomfortable and I had to do something, to show her she was no less than Kikyou to me, even if I couldn't say the words. "Kagome." I twisted my head and tried to catch her eye, being unable to catch her face with my hand the way I wanted to. She looked at me, timidly, turning away as though she might run if I made a sudden move. "Wait." I didn't like the growing uncertainty in her eyes. "Come here, Kagome."

I lowered my head down until my mouth brushed her hair. Her face turned tentatively to me, stopping when our noses touched. I brought my mouth to hers gently, trying to tell her without the words. Her lips were soft, as before, but she didn't press herself to me, her kiss was lighter and I felt her eyelashes flutter lightly against my cheek. She was still afraid. The restraints bound me still, but now the arrows were the least of them. So many silences, so many missed opportunities and words unsaid, all passed by because part of me remained stuck to this tree, dead and frozen in time. All my anger swelled up and then dissipated again at the lightness of her touch. I felt defeated in my inability to break through to her, to make her understand. A great sadness grew in me, expanding with each feathery brush of our lips. She pulled away and I dropped my head again.

The words were suddenly there and I wasn't even aware that I had spoken them, as I withdrew again into my loneliness.

"Kagome, forgive me."

I heard a small gasp as she sucked in her breath and I raised my eyes to see hers wide before me, full of surprise.

"For what, InuYasha?" her voice was barely a whisper and she glanced away, afraid to look in my eyes. I looked away too.

"For everything." I had no idea where these words were coming from, but I didn't have the strength anymore to stop them. "For letting a part of myself die on this tree, along with Kikyou." She looked at me then, and I saw a tear brim and sparkle, hovering above her cheek.

"So that's it?" Her tears were starting to fall, "You're going with her after all?"

Her words sent a jolt through me as I realized that's exactly what I was doing, continuing to die here on the tree, giving myself up to it and her memory. With this understanding a new surge of energy rushed through me. I didn't want to die that living death anymore. Kikyou was gone and I was still here. I looked at Kagome, understanding now that her question was as freeing as if she'd pulled the arrow out of my chest all over again. The question begged an answer, and for the first time in my life the answer was clear.

"No." I felt my jaw set against those visions that had kept me bound to the tree, of duty unto death and revenge for a life no longer living. The visions faded quickly as her question revealed them as promises that no longer needed to be kept. "I don't want that… anymore…"

"What _do_ you want now, InuYasha?" She sounded sad, afraid of the words she expected me to utter.

I swallowed past a tightness in my throat. In the silence we looked at each other, and I saw Kagome clearly looking back at me, no trace of Kikyou left behind. As though a veil had been lifted, in her eyes I saw all the things I did want and that could still be mine - joy, laughter and forgiveness. They'd been in her all this time, at my side, and even as I'd known this, I found that somehow I'd forgotten. Looking at her now, feeling free to want those things, to want life, a new lightness opened up inside me, a space to accept my desires. And one desire surged strongly into me then, the desire to live and to be together, no longer alone. The desire for her.

At that moment the tree at my back released that last piece of my soul, returning it to me.

Her question hung unanswered between us, and as I looked at her the words began to flood my being, ready to be said. I lowered my head, reaching for her again, but full of a new energy. "Kagome, come here." She inched toward me. "Come closer." I breathed against her hair but I still couldn't reach her. "Closer." She moved into me, holding her breath; I could feel her heartbeat against my chest and excitement filled me as she pressed against my body. My heart pounding against hers, my mouth brushed her ear and I whispered, "I want Kagome." Her heart sped to send tremors through me, reverberations that didn't skim the surface the way they had earlier, but ran through the length of me, stirring things long dormant. She didn't move. "Kagome," I nuzzled her ear, pushing my cheek and nose against her, trying to tell her I needed her mouth. "Kiss me." I pressed my lips to her cheek as she began to turn to me. "Please."

This time when our lips met a fire ignited in me, burning from deep in my being and warming all my blood as it raced through me, pounding in my ears and blushing into my cheeks. I sensed her body's response as her mouth opened to mine, a hungry motion of her tongue probing into me, running over my fangs and drawing me into her. She pulled herself into me, wrapping me in her embrace, making me aware of every curve, pressing into me until my response was unmistakable between us. A groan rolled up out of my chest, communicating a need and a want that was simple and deep and so full of life.

She pulled her head away, keeping an arm around me and I knew the look on her face was one I'd take to my grave, happy, tearful and confused.

"InuYasha," she still sounded uncertain, but she didn't move away. "What do you mean? Do you really want to be with me?" She fingered her _suikan_ as if to wonder if I still saw Kikyou when I looked at her.

"Yes," I tried to put all the truth I felt in my heart into my eyes, looking into hers, "that's what I mean." She was quiet for a moment, searching my eyes. "Kagome," my heart began beating faster, "what do _you_ want?" She blinked and it occurred to me I'd never asked her this question before, afraid I couldn't give her myself if that was what she asked. But now I was only afraid that she wouldn't ask it of me.

"Only what I've ever wanted," she repeated her words from earlier. "You."

My heart leapt as she reached her hands up to my face and pulled me down into another kiss, one that brought with it all the unspoken needs we'd both been harboring through our long journey together and I felt more waves of desire roll in to wash the earlier sadness away. The lightness I'd felt opening in me continued to grow with the teasing motions of her tongue and the soft movements of her hands as she caressed my neck and smoothed my hair. My body responded with even more strength to the longings rushing through me and I torqued my shoulders, straining against the arrows binding me. Now that I had freed my heart I needed to free my body.

She pulled away a little as she watched me struggle, and the last traces of her fear and sadness appeared to melt away. "Now what do you want?" she asked, with the slightest crinkle of a smile on her lips. I frowned at her, annoyed that she found my predicament amusing.

"I want you to let me down," I said. "Now that I finally figured out what I want, I want it!"

She laughed, and I frowned at her again, hoping the look on my face would encourage her to release me.

"Who says you always get what you want?" The look in her eye was mischievous. Instead of reaching for the arrows, she pressed up against me, kissing me deeply again and I forgot all about my bindings and kissed her just as deeply in return. Her hands ran across my chest and up into my hair, sending shots of excitement racing through me as she touched me.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I sounded angry as she pulled away, but it occurred to me that maybe I should shut up and enjoy this surprising turn of events, and the anger dissipated more with every stroke of her hands.

"Just playing." A new tone in her voice promised more enjoyable times ahead, and the look in her eye left little doubt that she wanted me to relax and play along. I felt her hands filter through my hair and her fingers creep up to pet my hanyou ears as they flicked, instinctively trying to get away. She laughed. "Did I ever tell you that I climbed up here and touched your ears when I first saw you on this tree?"

"No," I laughed back, relaxing finally, "but I'm not surprised. I think that's when I started to wake up. The only thing I remember about being asleep all those years was something bothering my ear." We smiled at each other and she kissed me again.

I realized that this was exactly why I wanted Kagome. Kikyou had been a wonderful and deep woman, as Kagome could be, but she was never playful. As I let a smile curve my lips, I began to appreciate the choice I was making, and to revel in the life and love I saw looking back at me in her eyes.

"Kagome, I want to hug you so badly right now. Will you _please_ let me off this tree?"

She smiled and reached up to kiss me lightly. Her eyes were beautiful and happy, shining in the moon's silver glow as she stepped back to look over the arrows. Steadying herself by holding onto my waist, she reached to release the arrows one by one, dropping them to the ground. The fabric began to loosen and my body grew heavy, finally succumbing to the pull of gravity. I felt weak as my weight came onto the tree root next to her, and I shook my hands a little to help the blood flow through them before I wrapped her in a hug that brought us fully together. She felt light and delicate in my arms, the most precious thing I'd ever held so close.

I scooped her up and jumped to the ground, kissing her again before her feet even touched the earth. Finally able to touch her, I couldn't stop my hands from running over her face, hair and body, feeling her and pulling her to me with a new strength and desire. I think I lost my heart in that kiss because when it was over and I looked into the shadows of her eyes, I knew that I was at that moment on the precipice, caught in the act of falling off - all the way into love with her.

She wrapped herself around me and I rested my cheek against her hair, enjoying her warmth in my arms, the sound of our hearts beating together and the exiting new stirrings between us. But when she pulled away again I saw Kagome looking at me through the trappings of Kikyou and it made me uncomfortable.

"What is it?" She looked searchingly into my eyes. Her eyebrows furrowed and I knew she was starting to worry, wondering if I had any doubts. But if anything could wipe away the residual thoughts of Kikyou that pulled at me, it was now Kagome.

"Here." I walked around behind her and began to work the tie loose that bound her hair. It came off easily and I completed my circle around her, reaching my hands beneath her silky waves to drape them over her shoulders as she smiled up at me. I took her face in my hands and kissed her again. "Better," I said, smiling.

"InuYasha…" she began, until I lifted her hand to lay the hair band across her open palm.

"Kagome… I'm not letting you go." As I hugged her again, a little bit of sadness came to me, resurfacing with the thought of Kikyou. Feeling it needed to be acknowledged, I laid my cheek against Kagome's hair and listened to her heart beating against mine. Finally, the last words that remained unsaid came to me and I released them.

"Kikyou is dead. Her soul is at peace, and she's left us to each other. I've grieved her for so long…" The final words hung in my throat; I took a deep breath.

"Tonight, I let her go."

We didn't return to the others that night, wanting to be together before resuming the hunt again in the morning. Instead, we slept under the Go-Shinboku, nestled between its roots and wrapped in my _suikan_. I woke to see the morning sun filtering through the canopy of its branches, Kagome pressed close to me and breathing softly against my skin. I watched the sunlight glisten off the dew dotting the grass and let my gaze follow its path up into the branches spreading out above us, to where the leaves danced lightly in the early morning breeze. As I enjoyed the warmth of the early morning sun in the light playing across our bodies, I had the strangest feeling that the tree shared my joy.

We were together, not alone, at last.

_**The End**_

_**End Notes:** Since the very first chapter of the InuYasha manga that I read, I've been struck by the symbolism of InuYasha frozen in time on the tree, waiting for his Princess Charming to release him. And much as I'm (clearly) an Inu-Kag shipper, I have a deep and abiding respect for Kikyou and the role she's played in both InuYasha's present life and Kagome's past life. I wrote a poem, Requiem for Kikyou, that helped me pay homage to her character, but there was still more that needed to be said. This fic scratched a bunch of itches for me to explore that visual, emotional and soul imagery that I revel in at the core the InuYasha story. Thanks for reading if you got this far and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!_


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